


You At the End of the Rail

by spnsmile



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Boys In Love, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Consensual Touching, Oral Sex, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Protectiveness, Shameless Smut, Sharing Body Heat, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Smut, Touch-Starved, Touching, Train Sex, Trains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23842831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spnsmile/pseuds/spnsmile
Summary: Dean receives a text message from a new human Cas telling him of his suspicion that angels have found him in Gas n Sip. Still filled with guilt for kicking the ex-angel out of the Bunker, Dean steps up to make it up to his friend. Worried, Dean concludes the ex-angel has to disappear for many days so he asks Cas where he wants to go.Cas’ answer?Trains.Fucking trains.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 19
Kudos: 75
Collections: Bottom Cas Big Bang 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ah! It's done! *claps hands with verobatto-angel-hunter* that's my artist ;)  
> Check out our story and art for bottom castiel! This is human Castiel!  
> enjoy some... fluffing smut!  
> bit of angst... little mention of past dubcon !  
> Enjoy!

[ ](https://verobatto-angelxhunter.tumblr.com/post/616405973390737408/here-we-are-this-is-my-first-work-for-a)

Dean yawns stiffly. There was a reason he was not a fan of chilly mornings. Not even with layers of shirts and flannels beneath his military blue.

He has been moistening his dried lips repeatedly, been rubbing the tip of his red nose again and again which was beginning to get annoying.

Fact: he and morning just don’t make sense.

It was unreasonable for anyone to be out here, unreasonable to be _queuing_ early in the morning, but he stands corrected with about fifty people and more on the line

Dean grimaces.

He knew the Amtrak train would be loaded with passengers. He expected a line to occur for transportation that long so he doesn’t complain. If only his impala wasn’t so darn eye-catchy and familiar to all supernatural like a beacon, an announcement, he would use it to drive to the canyons. The idea of the _supernatural_ becoming wary whenever he is in town shouldn’t thrill him but it does.

Except right now, it’s different. Dean Winchester is in hiding.

Cursing under his breath, he stretches his neck. The prickling soreness on shoulders make his teeth clench. The solo hunt of a Wendigo turned rather physical but he got it done before picking up his baggage and driving to the station with his companion who had barely spoken two words to him from ‘Dean’ to ‘Thank you.’

Possibly the least sexy words in his vocabulary, but no, his body doesn’t think that when it reacts to the familiar voice of the angel, he’s had a crush on. Well, ex-angel now. His body disagrees. His brain too because the way he sees it, the guy is still an angel with grace or not.

Anyway. Thanks to the chill, his erection died away.

Dean scans the train station to the security with their sniff dogs and flashlights and grimaces. He knew there would be a checkpoint. Took extra precautions hiding his weapons and ammunitions. Hid away his dagger in his body no one can find without making themselves blush. But that was the point, wasn’t? They will check all nooks and crannies, but he knows how to evade them.

How? You have to be a _Dean Winchester_ as part of the formula _._

Nothing his face _can’t do to people._

Which makes him grimace again at Castiel standing in front of him. The guy who also happens to have the _face_ but not the wits to escape any detection. The reason why when they met earlier Dean immediately confiscated his angel blade. Cas didn’t complain. He looked so troubled and worried when Dean got him.

But Dean got him now, except Castiel still doesn’t want to talk.

Dean made sure to pack the angel blade right. He wasn’t going to have any discussions with the security about what the giant ice pick was for. Cas might slip.

The sun finally glares down from the sky, Dean rests his eyes on Castiel’s form. Castiel stood there, wearing a second-hand, blue hoodie and loose pants. Both are too big, the hoodie almost hanging off his shoulders with part of his nape exposed.

Dean looks away. It’s one thing to be having sexy dreams of the hot angel while he was on power. It’s different when the guy now has nothing but his clothes and Dean dreaming of ripping them was just wrong. Stabbing his brain mentally, he remembers how terrified Castiel was on his last call.

He ditched the Gas n’ Sip uniform in fear of anyone coming after his boss. Had to let go of that life he led for months when his past caught up with him. The reason why Dean is here now because he is also part of that horrid past. Not really sorry he got back on it. They were still friends. Complicated maybe, but still friends.

Dean made a point to say this once, but he knows words meant nothing to Castiel now. All he can do is support his friend. Support here which means answering to Castiel’s frantic voice when he called about the angels and demons monitoring Gas n Sip for two days. Immediately, Dean knew Cas had to disappear.

But Dean didn’t _tell_ him. He _asked_ Cas what he wants to do. This way, Castiel is given a chance to choose, and Dean a real _chance_ to make things right.

So, Cas said _trains._

Dean just shrugs and, yeah let’s go for trains.

Something about Castiel reading it in a magazine while idly waiting for customers on a Sunday. So, fuck, train it is. Dean reserved two tickets on the Amtrak train without a hitch, told Cas his plans for a four-day ride on the railways and now here they are in a long line of people just waiting to take their turn.

Dean lets his eyes linger on Cas.

Same old mussy black hair still all over the place. Same old grumpy expression and thoughtful look about mundane things humans do that he also needs to do now (“Dean, I need to urinate again. It’s like having a 5 liter-gallon in my stomach, I am still amazed how you humans put up with it.”). And the blue hoodie jacket that just looks out of place.

Too soft for such a grumpy looking badass ex-angel. Because yes, whether human now or whatnot, Castiel can still make people freeze with just his sharp eyes. Dean smiles. Castiel was damn trouble as an angel wielding angel-power while putting up with humans he can easily smite out of temper.

Right now, he is just a baby in a hoodie. With a temper.

Barely looks Dean in the eyes too, but Dean can put up with that. Deserved it, really. What he can’t put up with is the idea of Castiel in danger again. Because he _kicked him out of the bunker._ One of those things Dean will never forgive himself for the rest of his life.

Pulling his collar over his neck, he scans the crowd at the Kansas Union Station. He easily towers this line of people boarding the South West Chief Amtrak, takes his sweet time checking his surroundings out of habit, then stifles another yawn as he checks his watch. The queue moved. Dean can finally read the name of the security persons when his companion’s measured baritone hesitantly breaks the silence. 

“Why do they need to do this, Dean?”

Tracking Cas’ line of sight to the security jabbing the pro-scan metal detector on bags and skin alike, Dean nods. Smiles too—Castiel is staring suspiciously at the metal detector.

“The knocking of stuff or the touching?” he half-smiles, clearly a hint of joke ready to slide in. Castiel says, also clearly not in the mood.

“I think they both apply to everyone. I just want to know why.”

Dean can see the angular face with jutting sharp nose and jaw frowning deep. Castiel’s lips press and that’s where Dean’s eyes linger for some time. Cas has the most interesting shaped lips from that view.

Licking his own for a moment out of habit, he answers.

“Because they need to make sure no bad people can get in there, Cas. Those who bring stuff in the train that are not allowed, y’know like beer. Knife. _Weapons_. Bad people stuff.”

Cas slowly looks him in the eyes.

“That wholly summarizes you.”

“Yeah, I’m a bad boy. Move a step there, buddy.” Dean places a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and prods him gently when the line moves. Dean holds him firmly enough so he doesn’t hit the lady a step behind him. Castiel looks back at him with another deep frown.

“When you told me there will be a security check when you took my angel blade, I thought we have to surrender it for inspection alone. I didn’t know it was going to be this thorough for an arrest. Will you be okay?” Cas eyes Dean’s duffle bag on his left shoulder with concern.

“It’s good. And we should not really be talking how you’re with a ‘bad guy’ okay?” Dean lowers his voice when they stepped again, “They’ll be scanning you next, you’re not hiding anything that can get us pulled aside, right?”

“If they make gummy bears and toothbrush the making of bad people now, I think I’m safe.” Dean pats Cas’ shoulder, hinting that he should really turn now, but he doesn’t mind looking. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know trains could be troublesome for you.”

“Trouble is when people pull a stupid _Once upon a Texas_ move on the train while I’m there. Quit worrying, I got this.” Dean doesn’t hide his yawn anymore and lets anyone looking get sucked inside his flaring nostrils unabashed.

Except only one guy looking at him with such fixation that Dean remembers why he’s feeling unabashed. Dean can feel the intent razor blue eyes rake the inside of his mouth.

Castiel stares at him carefully. Dean has to nod forward so he moves a step.

“I’m really sorry, Dean.” He mutters, narrowing his eyes over Dean's face.

“Stop it now, cat’s eye. Eyes front.” Dean says briskly, “Why are you apologizing? We got us sleeper car room tickets, it’s Californian Zephyr, meaning we have bunks and stuff. I can sleep on days straight, ‘kay?”

Arching eyebrows, he fully stares at the former angel who shifts on his feet. Castiel doesn’t look convinced the way he regarded the hunter. “Well, I’m still sorry for dragging you all the way out here, anyway, Dean. I know you just finished a hunt. You haven’t even looked at those cuts on your hands.”

Dean glanced down his hand and sees the tiny red cuts from the brawl. He jams his hand deep inside his pocket, staring at the ex-angel with his lips quirking. This from the angel who nonchalantly cuts him palm for a blood sacrifice?

“Since when did you care about my bruises?”

Castiel regards him, then turns back, not saying anything. When Cas was done for the body check, he stays waiting for Dean on the sideline. Dean smiles cordially to the security guard, earning him a blank expression, but after a few shared moments, Dean has this curve on his lips while the guard was red in the face

“What happened?” Castiel darts his eyes from Dean to the guard then to Dean again who is still beaming, a little proud of himself. Dean wounds an arm around Castiel’s shoulder. Cas was still turning his head to the security man but Dean head locks him.

“Dean.” Cas says in annoyance.

“Your friend has charms, Cas. Should make the trip quite intense for you.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, we get in.” Dean slides his hand at the little of Castiel’s back, pushes him up the metal step entrance, scans the crowd once before getting after his friend. There was only a short line behind them which means the train will be embarking any time soon. The sun was already up but they are still on schedule. With one final check that none of their enemies followed them, Dean boards the train.

Castiel is waiting for him on the small corridor looking apprehensive and uncertain. Dean smiles charmingly to ease him. It really is like looking after a child.

“Why are you smiling?”

“I’m your babysitter.” Dean declares, taking Castiel’s sour look to heart so he rolls his eyes. “Alright, c’mon, kiddo.” He pushes past his grumpy companion before he can even object at the name

Castiel followed him as they moved on the lounge. Dean heaved his duffle bag a little closer so he doesn’t poke anyone’s head out.

All other passengers on the coaches are either pushing their luggage on the racks or under their seats. The Amtrak train is known for its spacious seats and rooms and often a choice for travelers looking for some private time alone or with some friends while snuggled on the comfortable reclining seats. Dean knows because the time Castiel told him about _trains_ he immediately read about them in case the curiouser starts asking questions—and he knows Castiel will shoot him with those. He can’t imagine three whole days with Cas being unable to say anything. 

They passed more passengers near the middle of the cart, children already jumping up and down the soft chairs facing the rectangular glass windows, adults with their attached charger of l gadgets on outlets with feet on the leg rest, already at home.

Then they get to the sleeper cabins with most doors already closed and occupied. It’s much quiet in this corner consider the sleeper’s cabin is first class.

Dean drags his eyes behind him to Castiel who nods.

“Watch your feet when you move to another cart. We’re on the last carts. Should’ve entered the other cart but I wanted to show you where you can hang out in case you got bored in our room.”

“I don’t get bored.” Comes a matter of fact, grave tone.

“Of course, you do. Everyone gets bored. Remember when you were reading the magazine about trains? That’s called ‘bored’ Cas.”

“It is not if I enjoyed it.” Castiel retorts. Dean just sighs and avoided a woman going against their tide.

“Of course, you did.” He forgot how Cas is new to all of this. “Anyway, just when you feel like stretching your legs, you can walk around here and walkabout. You can also meet new people. You know, be friendly, get on their list they might invite you to uh… sing.”

“I don’t sing.”

“You haven’t tried.”

He heard another heavy sigh like it’s the last thing the ex-angel wanted to do. Dean doesn’t blame him. He’s really not sure how many people Castiel has met in his one-month exploration of the world.

One thing Dean is sure, he wants to talk about Cas later when they got settled down. The prospect of being the same space once again somewhat excited Dean. He was sure this is him missing his friend.

Which reminded him again how he was such a dick, kicking Cas out of the bunker.

“Are we sharing a room?”

“Yeah, got a problem?” Dean says casually, but his heart lurched forward. He doesn’t mind sharing a space with Cas, not really. They shared many

But Cas is human now. Their situation is different.

 _Not really…_ his heart raced.

“Um… would you be comfortable with that?”

Dean throws Cas an odd stare. “What?”

Cas didn’t get to answer because at that moment, the ticket inspector appears and Dean rushes to him to ask for their room. The tall inspector pointed on the last door. Dean throws Castiel an excited glance. He gets all giddy as he finds their door number and unlocks the sliding door like it’s Christmas present.

“Sleeper cabins!” Dean announces, opening the door and stepping in. 

The roomette is as large as Dean expected good enough for four people in size. Blue and cream color plays in the background from the sheets to the curtains and covers of the reclining seats. There’s another door to his right which must be the cubicle bathroom. Dean chuckles as he gazed down the three pillows on the clean sheets on the bed, the navy shades by the window and a small chair beside a large mirror on his right.

“Ahh, I feel home already.” His smile widens. He didn’t _imagine_ it to be that comfortable.

The room’s sliding door shut close.

Dean jumps in surprise, eyes flickering on Castiel who mechanically looks back from the doorway after pulling the shutters. That’s when it got all funny for the Dean.

The door shut, only two men in one room, what could possibly happen? They have three days going forward and another three days back home and if Dean was asked to be stuck in one hell of a private room? He finds himself sharing it with Cas. Finds himself sighing when his eyes focused on his lips.

He knew it was a bad idea too, but yeah, let’s go train…

Those lips still too pink for sure, a little dry but still…

 _Bad Winchester_ , Dean sighs. That’s not why he loved the private room.

“What d’you think, Cas?” he smiles. “Comfortable enough?”

“It’s huge alright.” Castiel moves in towards the chair, scanning above his head he slides his small bag on the compartment. Rearing back, his eyes fall on the bed too. Then at Dean. Dean blinks back, feigning innocence.

“I don’t think that’s a double decker, Dean.” Castiel tilts his head.

“No, it’s not, Cas.” Dean walks beside him, “Well, we can always share it.”

“By share, you mean we use it alternately?” such grumpy voice there.

“No, dork. We sleep together.” Shiver runs down Dean’s spine but he knows it was a bluff of himself to see if he can steel his nerves saying it. Finds himself melt, he automatically corrects himself, “You know—”

“I don’t know.”

“I mean,” Dean grits his teeth, “side to side, back to back—you obviously never slept in tight living conditions, Cas?”

“I slept on floors and empty broken transportation.” Castiel muses.

“Right.” Dean grinds his teeth, heart sinking. He knew that was coming. Knew Cas had it hard, but it still kicked him in the ass. What was he expecting? Castiel relating stories of bees and buttercups as his only education in this cruel world?

Heaving a sigh, he reached for the protruding lever and pulls it down, yanking a foldable but distinctly sturdy second bunk just above Dean’s bed.

“Here it is. Which one do you want?” he indicates the bed and the bunk. Cas shrugs.

“Which one do you?”

“Dibs on the bed, everyone knows I’m the foundation of this relationship. But I don’t mind the bunk—”

“No, take it.” Castiel relents, “With my previous experience, I’m just glad to have a roof above my head.”

“What about a bunk above your head?” Dean chuckles. He sits on the bed, feeling glad they’re slowly finding their way to each other again. This was mostly what he wanted. To find a connection with Cas without incurring the wrath of Zeke, the third party in the relationship. Just like him a coward hiding behind all the lies.

Somehow, Dean is just glad to be out of his threat. Maybe he also needed this recluse too.

“Oh, it’s surprisingly comfortable.”

Dean wrenched his gaze from afar to see Castiel two steps above the ladder of his bunk his chest hidden from sight, leaving staring directly on his middle. Cas must be reaching for something because the hem of his shirt is a little up, showing Dean the exact milky skin and curves of toned muscles hidden beneath the layers, smooth and perfect contours especially on his hips— _those hot hipbones curving down to his thighs—_ and the sweet little navel Dean only dreams about with little lines of hair leading down to a string of orange briefs—

_Orange…?_

Castiel is not wearing any boxers.

Dean’s head swirls. _Oh god…_

He begins to sweat. He was sure it was cold just moments ago outside, now the room’s temperature is slowly rising. He doesn’t dare look anymore. He will turn into a puddle.

“I think I like can use the reclining chairs too. I’m used to all positions now—”

Dean groans. He can’t answer to that now as he flattened himself on the mattress, stomach first. He quickly starts thinking of Crowley in a red bikini to keep his erection away. So, Cas gets him aroused, big deal. So, they are stuck sharing a room, another big deal.

It doesn’t mean anything when Castiel is only being formal. He knows Cas resents him, felt it that morning when they first met. So, this dick is not going anywhere except in the bathroom. That or visions of Crowley. In _a Bikini._

But Dean did not expect how good the mattress felt against his heavy body. He groans again, fully burying his face on the bed. _Shit, this is just like having a vacation with a very hot, untouchable angel. Well, ex-angel, but still paramount hot._

Dean whimpers remembering the insane hipbones. His dick gets even more rock hard.

_Crowley- bikini! Crowley- bikini!_

“Dean?”

Dean freezes. His hands clenching on the sheets. _Shit. Sam in a bikini!_

“Are you okay?”

“M’fine.” He mumbles, feeling all the blood rushing on his head. Not five minutes in the room and he’s already so horny. What more of those the next 70 hours? _And the train hasn’t left the station!_

To his horror, the bed dips on one side. Dean glares up, just enough to scare—because he scares himself— if this doesn’t keep Cas away—he doesn’t know what else because if Cas touches him now, he might just lose his head and take Cas.

And then where would their friendship be?

_“I said I’m fine!”_

Castiel stops at the edge of the bed where he kneels. Round blue eyes with long lashes sweeping up blinks back in surprise. Dean lowers his gaze. Still wrong to push Cas away, though.

“I’m sorry… I’m just tired.” He buries his face back on his arms in embarrassment.

“Um… do you want me to get anything?” Cas doesn’t leave the bed. Why? Does Dean have to be ruder? Cas doesn’t even deserve that.

“I’m tired, Cas.” He laments.

“Is it the hunt last night? Did you get hurt?”

Dean falls silent and then nods quietly.

Silence met his words after, and then the weight on the bed disappears, leaving Dean in silence where he ponders on the fact that he just pissed his fried again. He feels Castiel climb up his share of bunk, making little shuffling on the sheets before settling down too. Dean sighs and gets back on thinking of Crowley in a red bikini. That was enough to terminate his growing arousal this time. Dean shuts his eyes.

So maybe they will spend those three days awkwardly trying to avoid each other. His heart clenched. He didn’t want that. He wasn’t planning on making this hard for Cas. Well, maybe Cas _will make him hard,_ but he gotta stop making it look like it’s deliberate.

When finally, Dean thinks it’s okay, he slowly sits upon his heels, frowning at his forever traitorous part. He lifts his eyes heavenward to see Castiel’s legs complete with beaten old sneakers hanging off his bed.

Smiling softly, Dean slides from the lower bunk. He slowly peeks up from beneath and finds Castiel frowning hard on his fingers with lips protruding in contempt, blue eyes crossed and upset. The number of times Castiel and his many expressions can get Dean overly fond of the guy, but then, this was all the first time. Or maybe not, considering Cas had possessed the same expression when eve snuffed his grace out, leaving him unable to use any of his powers thereby Dean calling him ‘baby in a trench coat.’

That felt like a long time ago now. Bobby was still alive. Another slice on his heart, Dean clings on the metal rail of the top bunk. Castiel still doesn’t look at him.

Dean glances down Castiel’s boots.

“Sorry bout that…” he says, rubbing the back of his neck, which actually was still stiff, “I uh… I didn’t get proper sleep last night.”

Castiel cocks an eyebrow in his direction.

They both jump when the train hoots loud enough indicating it was time preparing to leave the station. A knock on the door surprised them too. Dean gives Cas a long stare before he went to the open door.

A brown-haired man pokes his head in and Dean finds himself staring face to face with a diamond-faced young man whose eyebrows upturned eyebrows equate to his upturned friendly smile.

“Hi!” the man breathes, staring at Dean in surprise. Dean notices the Amtrak uniform so he just nods, “I’m the car attendant of this floor. Uh…”

Dean waits. The guy got pale blue eyes nervously watching him. It hits Dean how he must’ve automatically donned a scary expression. It happens when he is outwardly vigilant of his surroundings especially when his friend is being hunted down.

“Car attendant, shoot. Are you gonna be the one getting my drink then?” he quirks a smile, earning him several blinks and then a flushing face.

“Uh—yes! Anything you need—” the man stutters, then finally seems to get a hold of himself, “I mean, I will deliver anything you want…please don’t forget to lock your doors upon leaving the room and keep your card secured…” his voice falters.

Dean stands in his full height, watching the man follow his movements with his bright face and lively eyes. It amuses Dean. “Anything more?” eyes catch the nameplate, “Andy?”

The attendant blushed fiercely.

“Uh…w-what do you want?” there’s a large gulp between that, “for breakfast?”

“You have pizza for the babysitter?” Dean asks with a quirky smile. 

“Babysitter?” The attendant takes one good look at Dean, begins to smile, then his eyes find Castiel. To Dean’s surprise, the attendant’s smile quickly disappeared. “Oh—uh, okay! Give us ten minutes, sir.” He clears his throat and backs off the corridor.

Dean watches him go still looking mildly amused before he pulls the sliding door. There are plenty of interesting people in the train apparently. We might be able to have fun meeting new people too. Some people in the lounge, maybe? He rounds back inside the room smiling to himself when he finds Castiel staring at him coldly.

“Hey, what did I do?” Dean’s heart sinks again.

Castiel lowers his eyes and doesn’t say anything. Judging by how his knuckles are beating his mattress, he is clearly angry about something. Dean slowly approaches, not wanting their distance to get wider.

“Cas?”

“You should have gotten me a coach seat, Dean, I wouldn’t mind sitting out there, you know,” Cas says tonelessly.

“What? That’s crazy, why would I want that? I’m not going to kick you out of your bunker!”

An awkward silence fell between them. Dean feels the chill run up his spine. Castiel doesn’t meet his eyes as they both relieved that day where Dean did the ‘thing’. Dean’s heart ached. He doesn’t want that ever happening again but by the look on Cas’ face, it’s as if the ex- angel believes it was.

“Cas,” Dean says quickly, pulling on the ankles gently so Castiel would look at him. He waits patiently until his friend did. Till the blue eyes focus back on him heavily. “I would never do that again. Not ever… and if anything, you’re the one who can kick me out this time, okay?”

He pauses. Maybe Cas wants him alone after all.

“Do you want to kick me out?”

He dreads the answer to that but sighs in relief when Castiel shakes his head, eyes still intent on his face. “Then why do you think I would kick you out?”

Castiel lowers his eyes again, heavy lids and long lashes dipping down. Swear to god, if Dean sees a tear there, he will jump out of the train. He will never make Castiel cry.

“Because apparently, I will be a nuisance to your next affiliations in the future.” Cas mumbles, his fingers taking careful plucking on the mantel. Green eyes widen.

“Hey whoa!” Dean grabs on his friend’s ankles a physical reach to keep the ex-angel grounded. And Dean isn’t sure, but he is glad Cas doesn’t have wings right now to fly away from him. Ears red because Cas was able to read him so thoroughly like he can still see through him, Dean doesn’t stop tugging. He even walks closer so his chest is pressing on Castiel’s feet. “Aw, c’mon, Cas! You think I’d want to get frisky with the attendant now!?”

“You saw him.” Castiel points out, “He clearly wants to be the pizzaman.”

Dean’s jaw drops. There’s a moment they only stare as the train gives a mighty blast of its horn and out—it begins to rock backward a little, then moves forward.

Dean exhales when the sound is a little tolerable in their ears.

“Cas— _Cas, are you jealous?”_

Castiel gives him an assessing stare, “I don’t know that.”

There’s another prolonged pause. Then Dean laughs.

He rubs on Castiel’s ankles eliciting a gasp from the ex-angel. He notices the boots soiling his shirt so he begins unlacing them with a smile still on his lips.

There’s that familiar warmth again in his chest, the same warmth whenever Cas is around him. Like the many years ago when he felt alone and Castiel was the only one there making him laugh. That feeling never disappeared. That kind of happiness that can light up his eyes and soul. Only Cas can bring that out of him and he is forever grateful.

_Forever in love with the angel… now human…_

The word echoed in Dean’s ears. Maybe things are really different now.

He drops one of the boots on the floor, then rises to get the other, only to find Castiel has shifted a little closer with eyes too fixated on him. Dean smiles up at his angel. Castiel will always be his angel. He begins removing the other boot, not failing to notice the blush that crept up Cas’ cheeks.

_So maybe…_

“I am not your responsibility, Dean. I thought I made that clear.” Castiel says it so quietly, a fact, not to be demanded. Dean’s expression turns determined at the laces. “I don’t blame you for things that happened… so you can stop.”

“Don’t want to,” Dean says clearly. Determinedly.

Castiel touches his shoulder. The one with the mark. Dean clenches his teeth and gently slides away from reach when he finally removes the last boot. He gets up a step far, both hands jammed inside his pockets. He doesn’t look at Cas.

“Is it bad to think you’re my responsibility?” he asks. “You think I can’t put up with it? Taking care of an angel?” He meets Castiel’s eyes now, raw and heavy.

Cas stares back openly surprise.

“Cas, we’re friends. A friend doesn’t kick his friend down when they’re already at rock bottom… what I did to you, don’t excuse that. I have no excuse… so I wouldn’t blame you if you never talk to me again. I wouldn’t blame you if you kick me out of your life too… I’m not gonna get angry every time you do cause at the end of that tunnel is me who still failed you, okay? And I have no excuse… so… so even if you say I should stop it, I can’t… I’m dying of guilt for failing you.” He runs a sweaty hand on his lips. He ends up rubbing his head. And he is mad—his voice starts shaking.

He looked away.

“I’m just… at least let me do this little stuff. But if you tell me you don’t want to see me anymore, I won’t get angry too… If you tell me to fuck off, I will. But I won’t get angry. Because of you and I? We don’t… we don’t break that bond so easy. I don’t think so. I’m not asking for forgiveness, Cas…”

He just wants to be with Cas, that’s all.

But he can’t seem to end it that way. He struggles to find his next words but he told Cas he needs him many times and Castiel still left. He doesn’t have the courage to say something so profound… because Castiel always disappears after.

Gentle fingers reach for his chin, pulling him back to the sea of blue now standing before him. Dean didn’t even feel Castiel move. So deep was his regret and fear he shuts out even the rigid movement of the ground. He just stares at Cas.

Castiel stares right back.

“I’m never sending you away, Dean. You’re the only one with the power to do that.”

“Don’t give me that shit, I’m never saying that to you again.” Dean balls up his fist. Castiel smiles at him finally smile at him after so long. Dean swallows, the lance buried deep in Dean’s gut slowly fades.

“Thank you for going this far for me.” Castiel—his friend Castiel says. “You even bought the tickets when I only suggested riding the train because I saw it in a magazine. Thank you for answering me, Dean. My prayer.”

“Someone is bound to.” Dean sniffs. He washes it away with a smirk. “And fuck trains, Cas… but yeah, disappearing for a few days is good if you really think the angels have found you in your junk job.”

“It’s not a junk job, I am an associate.” There’s a pause. Castiel lets go of his chin followed by a light sigh, “Are we okay now, Dean?”

Dean gives a nod, lips pressing. “We’re not gonna be throwing each other out of this bunk, right?”

Castiel is still smiling when he shakes his head. It takes a moment for them to step away from each other’s space, that after doing a thorough face search with their eyes glued on each other, Castiel the usual freckle counter seems to drink Dean in, liking what he wants before finally stepping back, allowing Dean to breathe.

Fuck, it’s just like kissing.

Except there’s no kissing. Dean frantically thinks of Crowley’s bikini because this is bad. Cas is like a magnet. A very kind magnet and who doesn’t fall for that. He has to control himself…

Except when he turns around, he finds Castiel stripping out of his clothes, shirt upon his shoulders, casually letting Dean see the fine curvatures and sexy figure body.

Dean gasps.

There’s a knock on their door. Castiel pulls his shirt up from his head, glares once at the door where Dean apparently can’t even turn so, he goes for it himself. Topless.

He slides open the door, receives the stuttering explanation of the attendant of why it was late with his poor face still flushing until Castiel returns in the middle of the room carrying a small tray with two slices of pizza and coffee complimentary of Amtrak.

Dean and Cas locked eyes.

“Oh. So, I am the _pizzaman_.” He concludes.

Dean’s last piece of control leaves him finally with beads of cold sweat running down the side of his face thinking…

_This is really bad…_

[ __ ](https://verobatto-angelxhunter.tumblr.com/post/616405973390737408/here-we-are-this-is-my-first-work-for-a)

_The shape of Castiel’s muscle is mouthwatering, those hipbones just begging to be licked… Dean’s head spins as his heart skyrockets against his chest. It’s like finding himself in one of his erotic dreams, Castiel still included except this time, he can feel the heat flaming up his cheeks, can feel the thick lump in his throat—and worse—Crowley can’t save him from this one._

Eyes bulging comically, Dean watches as Castiel moves around their room wearing a very loose jeans only on his bare feet. He carried the pizza tray to the table top like being topless is nothing to him at all. But all those flash of skin—that back with mound of soft flesh just aching to be touched—and Dean’s world spins again.

“C-Cas, what are you doing?” he croaks, casting his eyes away—anywhere but to Castiel. Dean stiffly walks to the bed. He needs support. He avoids looking too much, but he’s seen enough to make him want to drop dead and accept hell’s invitation to punish him again.

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice comes closer—that’s where Dean puts his foot down. Damn, what a tease in jeans— so unfair.

“Okay, Mr. Hot Stripper.” He puts a halting palm in front of the ex-angel who freezes halfway in his direction.

“Dean?”

Dean laughs nervously then gulps.

“What’s the problem?” the frown on his face says he thinks Dean is making too much of a trifle. Dean licks his lips and gives a pointed look at his friend.

“Here’s the thing buddy, you don’t just strip in front of any guy, okay? That’s gonna get you in trouble with body like that, I swear… uh…damn!” Hissing to himself, he wills himself to look up after inhaling deeply. “D-do you have spare clothes? What did you bring with you anyway?”

When Cas didn’t answer, Dean obliges himself to flash a look, his heart still pounding against his chest. Castiel is staring at his halting palm like it’s a strong barrier, a shield making him stop. Dean gingerly pulls it down.

“Well?” He fixes his eyes on his other boot. He can feel the blue eyes on him and the sudden instinct to bolt off the room seizes him.

Castiel pauses, Castiel takes something from his pocket. His toothbrush and toothpaste. He threw it up the upper bunk, then glances around when he sees Dean staring at him incredulously. He stares back.

“What?”

“That all you’ve got?”

Castiel shrugs, hesitating. “Um… yes?”

Dean sighs loud. He can’t believe he walked in this trap—he wonders if he met up any djinn whose messing with him right now, showing him things, he can only dream about. He walks to his bunk side, grabs his duffle, zips it open and rummages inside.

Well, he did expect Cas would be needing stuff…

Castiel looks from his upper bunk to Dean. His eyes widen when Dean suddenly begins tossing him a couple of shirts, pajamas, even unused underwear. Dean digs more and makes a sound of satisfaction when he pulls up deodorant and a towel. He turns now, happy with himself as he turns to Castiel who stares at him wordlessly, then at the heap of supplies Dean just dropped on his hands with one of the pants have fallen on top of his head.

“What are you doing?” Dean says, blinking. Blue eyes stare back at him questioningly too behind the one-legged blocking his right eyes, messing the wild tangles. His heart skipping a beat, Dean takes the apparel, his fingers brushes the soft locks like it’s something sinful. He finds Castiel looking at him inquiringly, head tilting in such a fashion too adorable that just makes Dean melt on the inside.

“What are these for, Dean?”

Dean looks puzzled himself. “These are meant for the legs, dumbass.”

“Why?”

“What why? They’re pants. They’re yours.”

Blue eyes round in surprise.

“Mine?”

The hunter blinks and shifts on his feet. It’s like trying to slam a volleyball down the water pool with a persistent dolphin flicking it back on his face.

“I mean, these are inches shorter than me and I don’t wear that kinda color, maroon? Too icky.” He lies through his teeth. He bought them. Thinks the color goes with Castiel’s eyes too.

“What’s wrong with maroon?” Castiel looks down the shirt. The way the angel stares at the gifts is mesmerizing. Like it’s the first time he has ever received anything so meaningful and Dean hates himself because it’s really the only time he ever gave anything to Castiel. His eyes suddenly fall on the ex-angel’s plush lips Castiel has been moistening from the beginning. Those lips would look good on Dean’s. God, the sound they could make together…

Dean wants to kiss him.

So bad.


	2. Chapter 2

“Ugh, on second thought, let’s get rid of that, Sherlock.” Dean smacks his own head and snatches the maroon shirt from Castiel who tugs it back looking alarmed.

“I thought you’re giving this to me?”

“Yeah—but you don’t look like you want it—” it was a very good distraction.

“No- Dean, I like maroon!”

“You’re only saying that coz you’re grateful!” Dean steps over Castiel extending his arms on either side of the ex-angel determined to reach back but Castiel goes around him, out of his reach, proving to be quite lithe despite new to being human.

He over extends his arm, frowning at Dean who adamantly charges after him, their faces an inch closer but none seemed to matter except the colored shirt for some reason.

“What’s the point of giving them to me if you’re only going to take it back!” Castiel growls angrily because some of his stuff had fallen on the floor with clatter.

“You haven’t learned anything yet if you hadn’t realized humans are allowed to go back on their words, Cas!” Dean fully wraps his left arm around the ex-angel, clasping his arm while trying to tug the shirt. Castiel holds him off with one hand on the chest. With a firm take on Dean, Castiel looked him dead in the eyes.

Dean stops at the blazing blue he thought he’d never see before. Also suddenly became aware of their proximity that his hear begins jackhammering again. They are so close.

“Are you sure these are mine?” Castiel demands.

“Yeah, I mean if you want it.”

“Then I want it. Keep your hands off it.”

“But you can say no—I’m not forcing you to put shades of lipstick you don’t want on your…well…” his eyes fall on Castiel’s lips. Dammit. Just when he almost got away, it pulls him right back in. “Uhm… _a rabbit.”_

“I don’t have a rabbit. I don’t wear lipsticks.” Castiel fumes. Dean’s eyes flickers at the way Cas’ mouth quirks in annoyance, the way Cas’ face scrunches up in antagonism, the way Castiel just… _be Castiel, angel of grumpiness always bossing Dean around._

He doesn’t mind getting bossed here. Swallowing hard with heart on his stomach, Dean wills himself to look away. “You obviously haven’t seen Bugs bunny on his finest lady dress and reddest lips.”

“If an animated rabbit can wear what he wants, surely I can wear the maroon shirt?”

Dean chuckles. “Yep.”

“What is this?” Castiel stuffed the shirt up the upper bunk bed, then pulls out the roller deodorant still stuck on his arms. He shoves it in Dean’s face whose eyes crossed a bit.

“That’s a deodorant, Cas. You just uh… roll it on your armpits-”

“Why?”

“I know what it is for, Dean, I’ve seen this on the shelves of the store. My question is—do you think my armpit stinks?”

Dean looks down Castiel’s body—and realized how wrong a move that was. After the short exercise of horsing around, Castiel’s silky skin now turned pink flesh with all the blood running. Face and neck flushing, upper torso sweaty, Dean tries to back away but can’t. He is almost at his limits and one way or another he was going to have to raise the flag soon.

How can Castiel be so… _hot?_

“Dean?”

Dean snaps at the name. Jaw clenching, he takes the deodorant from the ex-angel while holding his breath. He can’t seem to make himself walk away from that space. 

“H-here, you open the cap first… See the rolling stone? You uh… just roll it up there, it’s not exactly rocket science.”

“I know, Dean… oh…” Castiel closes his eyes. To Dean’s immense shock, Castiel grabs his wrist and wrinkles his nose. “This smell… is you Dean! Oh…” and fuck it—Cas draws closer, his body pushing up on the hunter who freezes, stiffens and may just have a short stroke while standing. Castiel inhales avidly, his lips splitting into a wide smile.

“Oh, this is good, Dean… I’ve always wondered…” he inhales, then breathes out, showing Dean exactly what’s deep inside his mouth.

“Cas…” Dean says weakly. Beneath him, he’s all a tower. “Don’t… it’s… it’s for hygiene…” he gulps, feet digging on the sole of his shoes. The amount of control… jesus…

“Oh, hygiene. I get that.” Castiel’s eyelids flutters open showing Dean just how blue his eyes are. He smiles up at the hunter sincerely. “Thank you for all the gifts, Dean.”

Dean rapidly blinks but didn’t step back. What would Cas think of him if he sees the bulge wanting to poke an eye out— instead, he clasps both his own hands like an idiot, sparing Cas the view.

“I uh…” he watches Castiel carefully before smiling. The guilt in his conscience slowly ebbing away every time he sees his best friend smile. “Any time, Cas.”

They stood there, ex-angel just staring and smiling like Dean is the best person in the world while Dean shifts on his feet shyly. 

“Can you wear some clothes now, please?” Dean bites his lips, finally gaining enough strength to sit down his bed bun and bow his head to relax, to not get this all in his head. “You… you’re…naked. You’re not supposed to be naked with another man…” he hoped he didn’t have to explain that to Cas—years of the angel in the world, he should know what that means starting back with the Romans—

“Oh. I understand.”

Dean squints up at his best friend curiously.

“You do?”

“Yes, Dean. I was on the streets when this man-”

Dean’s world crumbles. Clap of thunder roared in his ears. Castiel becomes a double vision as he looks up at his friend— _his very dear friend_ who gazes back at him with all innocence _,_ all trust and kindness. But Dean can taste the acid making a spring of his stomach. He clasps Castiel’s shoulders, his fingers digging and leaving mark on the fair skin, gripping tight to tell himself Castiel is still here, safe, sound…but…

“What man?” he demands, hearing his own voice break.

Dean tried to push it off his mind many times the moment he made his best friend leave the safety of the Bunker. Assured himself selfishly for his own comfort that no such thing would happen, Castiel is hundreds, if not thousands of years old, he is smart and heaven’s soldier too… nothing bad would happen to him.

It later occurred to him that Castiel has become a human with human emotions and weakness. And yet Dean still let him out to the dangerous world that only preys on the weak. But that’s just it. Castiel was never weak. Not even when he and Sam late in saving him from the reaper. Castiel has a knack for survival. Dean fooled himself in believing Castiel will always be _alright._

But Dean’s worse fear comes into fruition with Castiel’s last words. It made him abruptly stand up from his lower bunk bed and smashes the top of his head on the upper bank with a painful bang.

“Dean!” Castiel calls, surprised.

Dean groans and curses, rubbing furiously on his head. He feels Castiel hover in front of him and when he looks up, worried blue eyes filled with concern over takes the pain like a wave storm.

“Are you okay?”

“Dammit! What _man_?” Dean growls, eyebrows furrowed, “What did he do to you, Cas?”

Castiel gapes, looks taken a back for a moment before holding Dean’s arm firmly. His blue eyes flickering from Dean’s eyes to the hunter’s throbbing head.

“Sit down, Dean.” He commands gently.

“Answer me, okay?” Dean presses, “what did he do and do you remember his name?”

Castiel purses his lips.

“Sit down for me first, Dean.”

“I—” Dean hesitates, at lost.

Castiel leads him back on the bed. Dean sits down with mouth still open, glaring up and waiting until Castiel finishes putting his gifts on his own bunk. Then he turns back to Dean, pulling on his new buttoned sleeves but not bothering to fix them.

Castiel then stood in front of him with his right long arms hooking on his waist.

Where did Cas learn that posture?

“I don’t know why this is significant to your attention at the moment, but he’s only a man I met. He offered to take me for a ride during a stormy night while I was walking on the street… Dean. Your head—?”

“And what did he do--?” Dean swats Cas’ hands away, still livid.

Castiel actually scowls. Like he’s been told not to touch something he really wishes to get his hands on. He ends up balling his fists too, his blue eyes flashing at the hunter.

“Nothing, I did not consent. He asked for it very politely. Called it a payment. We drove at an empty street and he got on his knees… I think it was a rather common thing.” There’s a faint blush on his face but other than that, Castiel doesn’t look too affected.

Dean’s head continues to spin, color on his face draining. He stands up, almost knocking Cas as he steps closer to his friend.

Rage fills him. Storm of words fight to be said, to be justified, but as he looks at Castiel’s composure, Dena thinks it’s only him who gets to suffer. It’s nothing to Cas. Of course, what does an angel know—but for Dean it’s different. And it’s only right that he suffers for his friend.

Dean clasps Castiel’s shoulders again and pulls him into a hug. Feelings for his best friend flood him. His best friend who remained solid against his touch gets him to calm down.

“I-is that all he did…? A-Are you okay?” He chokes out, breathless. 

He didn’t know this. Why didn’t he know this? _You never asked._

Dean doesn’t remember clinging to Castiel’s words that badly. It hurts so badly. It may have happened to him too and that was okay, but this is Cas… _his Cas…_ the pain doesn’t stop tearing him apart.

Assuring hands palm on his shoulder, the place where his angel had dragged him out of hell. Castiel’s kind eyes on him, unbidden and full of trust. How can someone who had been wrongly abused still look at the guy who caused him to still look at him in such away? It scares the hell a lot of Dean. The touch turns into a grip.

“It’s okay, Dean. I wasn’t hurt or anything. He wasn’t a demon or angel out for revenge. Just a human asking for payment he rightly deserved.” Castiel’s voice softens around the rough edges on a whisper, “He got me on the right street I asked him to. It was fine.”

Dean bites his lower lips, his hold on the ex-angel crushing. It wasn’t okay, but Cas seems to have a different take on this. He’s an angel of course, but it still doesn’t sit right by Dean that it happened and it’s all his fault.

The train gives a loud whistle and jostles backward violently. The momentum catches Dean who loses his footing and falls backward, dragging Castiel with him in the process. It’s like one of those tackles where Dean instinctively covers Castiel protectively, brain fully understanding the vulnerability of his friend.

The two fell with a thud on top of the other, body squashing, groaning, and at the pain and sudden arrest of breaths. Another fierce whistle and the train begin surging forward a little faster this time.

All Dean hears is his own heartbeat. All he feels is the hot breath of Castiel lying beneath him on the bed. Dean stares down at the blue eyes so familiar to him, the eyes always looking back with razor-sharp attentiveness, like he knows everything when in fact, he understands too few. But always kind. Those eyes are always kind.

But the most surprising thing is, Castiel focusing on his lips, expecting like this isn’t his first time he was in such a prone position.

Dread fills the hunter. The toll of self-hate reaches a point where he needs to run for air but instead, Dean tightened his grip on his friend, wishing he could have spared Cas from the pain of living as helpless as he did. When Cas needed him the most, what did he do?

Throw him out he did.

“Dean…” Castiel says, his breath warm against the hunter’s cheeks, “are you okay?”

“No.” Dean whispers in guilt.

All those times he thought he was okay seeing Castiel walking out of the Bunker after he nearly died. He nearly lost Cas. Lost him over the angel battle and now Dean is still slowly losing him over being human. Why does he always fuck up important things in his life? Why does Cas still believe him after everything? He is here with him, immediately

And why… even after messing this angel to the point that he loses his very essence and now living in this poor condition, can’t Dean let him go like how he did to all other people he thinks he so rightly undeserved.

“Dean.” The ever-reverend call on his name never changed. Dean looks up at Cas a little taken aback. The ex-angel is staring at him searchingly with a hand touching his arm. “What’s wrong?

Dean’s throat tightens. The train gets its momentum and is now smoothly taking the rails heading West. Still, Dean couldn’t answer.

Will he be able to really let Castiel go? He did when Cas told him about sacrificing his life in battle to stop the angels. It was a decision made by an angel soldier who thought he was doing the right thing.

He thought he lost Cas. It hadn’t sunk in because Sam was in danger. But what if he was unable to stop Sam with the trials? He could have lost Sam and Cas at the same time.

Dean shudders every time his thoughts stray on it. He looks at Cas and thinks of things he nearly lost. He shakes his head and leans down, ending with his head on Castiel’s neck and dropping his weight completely.

He feels Castiel stiffen, his shoulder tensing. He grasps Dean’s shoulder and shook him a little.

“Dean?”

Dean feels his pulse, feels the radiating warmth from the body under him, the shallow breathing, and the bobbing of the bump in Castiel’s throat.

He’s alive. Castiel is.

“Cas… do you hate me?” he asks wishing in fact that Castiel says he does. Because Dean does. The questions earned him widening blue eyes and palms cupping his cheeks. He gives Dean an unrelenting stare like he is afraid Dean would melt away.

“No. _Never. I could never, Dean…”_ his breath hitches in fear.

Dean buries his nose on the crook of the ex-angel’s neck, sniffing the scent of the human Castiel—the Castiel who had pulled him out of hell. The Castiel always saving him, giving him salvation even when he is in his human form.

So Castiel is never weak if Dean can cling on his like this, absorbing as much as support as he can. Taking in. Taking more… because that’s how selfish he is.

“Let me stay like this for a while, Cas…” he pleads. “I’m…. I’m just glad you’re with me now… Cas. Please stay with me…”

It was tiny, but it was there. Castiel smiles.

“Of course, Dean.”

[ ](https://verobatto-angelxhunter.tumblr.com/post/616405973390737408/here-we-are-this-is-my-first-work-for-a)

There’s a loud whipping sound in his ears, almost like a scream. Dean mumbles in his sleep. He tells someone in his head that he will be up soon, that he will move, but he was in such a state of comfort surrounded only with warmth, he doesn’t think he can make up the promise of waking. If in fact, this is still a dream.

Dean grunts at the nonstop screeching sound. _What the hell…?_

_Stop that. Someone make it stop…_

Someone’s rubbing his back soothingly, making circles on his back. Dean lets out a satisfied groan. Moving his head, wet lips grazing on something smooth. Dean licks his lips, then hears a tiny gasp when his tongue touched the heat of skin.

Brain lagging behind, he slowly makes out words in his bad memory. Him. Train. _Cas._ Naked. Bed. His eyes shoot open.

_Shit!_

The train hums now, the screeching long gone. The window’s tapestry has been pulled. And he was still on top of a very naked Castiel, has fallen asleep on his arms due to fatigue or simply missing his best friend—Dean can’t find any excuse. And he wasn’t thinking of any was he gets most comfortable on top of Cas, just lying there with half his body between Cas too enough to blow his mind.

Yet what struck him as most bizarre is his inability to detach himself from the warmth. Castiel is too warm and too good for a snuggle. His shoulders are broad, his stubble rough on Dean’s cheeks, yet inside Castiel’s arms are all soft on edges like pie from crust to the tasty, soft filling.

Dean finds himself curling in on him more, feels the closing arms of his friend on his back as they stayed like that for a few more minutes because who the hell would say it’s wrong? Castiel certainly is pulling him closer. Dean sighs on his skin, eyes closing.

He let it be for some time, telling his guilty conscience he just missed his best friend and want some solid proof as assurance. That’s not what his hard cock wants to do now pressed between himself and the ex-angel. Dean tries to ignore Castiel’s own erection. Hard not to, but…

Seconds turn to minutes. Minutes passed ten, fifteen, till half an hour later when he blinks and still feel the beating of someone’s heart next on his ears with the darkness of coziness of the room—then a sigh that brush past his ears— his eyes begin to droop. The trains scream again.

_He wants Cas._

Dean’s eyes shoot open, all muscles jolting up and he scrambles up with incredible speed. His body groans at the loss of the contact but the fact that they stayed longer than necessary creates a whirlpool of emotion and confusion. One of which is already mighty proud and heavy inside his jeans. He backs away, surprised at the connection.

_Because if damn if that didn’t feel right…_

“Dean?”

Swallowing hard, Dean watches as Castiel sits up with blue eyes pointed in his direction. The ex-angels buttoned-up sleeve is still open and Dean can still see the dents of his weight he left on Castiel’s neck. He inhales sharply, especially when the shirt just hangs loose on each side, bare shapely middle of chest just offering to be taken.

Oh, Dean can swallow hard, heart pounding hard in his chest.

“Dean? Have you calmed now? Do you still want me to soothe you?” Castiel asks as if lying on top of the other is the most natural thing.

“I’m good.” Dean croaks, uncertainly, throat tight. His eyes widen when Castiel stands up, walks to him like they haven’t been sharing intimacy enough, making Dean reel to the idea—does Cas have any idea of intimacy? Yeah, there was April but—

His thoughts get a cut off the moment the blue eyes are just _there._

“Cas…” Dean can’t step back but it’s Castiel who shakes his head and sighs.

“I miss being an angel. Reading you just comes to me like I’m you… Being human feels like I’ve been cut from you, Dean. Like I lost whatever we had from the beginning.”

His eyes fell on the hunter’s shoulder where the handprint had been placed. Dean wanted to tell him it was never broken, wanted to assure Cas that they will have the same connection whatever happened. But he couldn’t bring himself to say it. For one, the hypocrisy of wanting to keep Cas so close and protected when he’s the one who cast him out from the Bunker in the first place. Silence passes just as sunlight begins to drip in from the blinds of the curtain.

Castiel lowers his eyes when Dean didn’t answer, taking his silence as an agreement. Only until the angel turned his back that Dean is hit by the same picture of Castiel leaving the Bunker.

“Cas.” He waits for the ex-angel to look him in the eyes. He makes sure his voice is solemn so Castiel wouldn’t read it any other way. Made sure his voice is measured so it doesn’t come out uncertain and forced. He waits till Castiel is listening.

Hell. Castiel always have ears solely for him.

“The connection was built by your angel-self…” Dean starts, not glossing over anything. “Now I’m not saying there’s no reversing what’s done… what I will say is that… we may have been taking this all the wrong way. That you and I met under circumstances you were my angel. But since we’re here… you and I just human to human, maybe we can make something work out as humans? You know, just… us meeting with nothing supernatural, just us. I don’t think the connection is just purely because of handprints and all that, let’s table that side of our journey for a while and just start over. You know, maybe human Cas and human Dean can find a new connection. Maybe it’s possible to build it as normal people do.” He nods at his friend with an encouraging smile while Castiel blinks at him curiously.

“How?”

Dean easily steps forward, minding his hands as he offers one in front of the ex-angel with a small smile.

“Hi, you look like you need a friend. Name’s Dean. Uh…. Dean Winchester. You?”

He watches Castiel’s eyes flicker like bright starlight when he finally understood. For a moment his twinkling eyes dart from Dean’s hand to his face. It’s like the face Cas would do if Dean proposes to him… he thinks of it hard. After a moment, nothing happens.

Dean bites his lower lips and begins to lower his hand.

“Uh, I guess you uh… had other things in mind than meeting some awkward guy?”

“N-no! Um…” Castiel snatches Dean’s hand and nearly tugs it up to his chin with both hands.

Dean chuckles at the gleeful look on the angel’s face as he continued, “Nice to meet you, I am… uh… is it okay if I give you my name? I mean, you did give me your real one.”

“It’s up to you. But I’d rather you shorten it. I don’t want to call you Arnold Schwarzenegger-that’s not your name by any chance, right?”

Castiel laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling so.

“Castiel?” Dean pretends to narrow his eyes, earning a smile from his ex-angel buddy. “Sounds like an angel’s name. I’ll call you Cas. Is that okay?”

“I prefer it.”

“Okay, so uh… can I get my hand back?”

“Oh.”

Dean chuckles again when Castiel lets go. Out of this pure euphoria of trying to begin again with their connection ever tight, he flicks a finger intimately under Castiel’s stubbled chin and lifts it so they are looking at each other’s eyes again.

Castiel waits for him intently like every time Dean touches him is a gift.

It makes Dean shiver when Cas makes a face like that.

“So, we’re gonna be like bunkmates, right? What you say you and I hit it off to the lounge area so we can have our snack?” he gives him a subtle wink, finds satisfaction that he can make Cas blush harder than he already has.

“You mean the… pizza.” Castiel’s blue strays to the table where the tray has their breakfast they haven’t touched. Suddenly, the ex-angel is beaming up at Dean so cheerfully. “I’m the pizzaman, by the way.”

Dean chokes in his own saliva. He thinks he wrecks his chest so bad. For Cas to be using the words again was insanely hot. Dean was no longer hiding his bulging front. Castiel hasn’t noticed anything— not know anything of the anatomy may be, but Dean’s cock just wants it to be noticed. He rounds on the table where Castiel hands him the water, not leaving his side.

Dean takes it and growls at the painful swallow he made.

“That was painful.” He wipes his mouth, “Cas, you wanna kill me?”

“What- of course not. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Dean shakes his hips a bit, not looking at the angel. He brushes the pad of his thumb on Castiel’s forehead with a glare around. Feeling a sense of protectiveness over his best friend he has neglected long enough.

“So… you wanna stay here? We can recline the chairs actually then out it back as a bed.” Dean points by the window, “those are recliners, you see? We can always have lunch later. What do you prefer?”

Castiel eyes the bed like he wants to stay there, making Dean flush at the hunger he saw in the ex-angel’s eyes. “I actually just…want to stay with you, Dean. If that’s okay.”

Dean’s heart swells. “Sure… so umm… we finish the pizza then we fix the recliners?”

Castiel just smiles. Dean thinks it’s important that Castiel is smiling. They finished their breakfast shortly then before long, is pulling on the levers and mechanisms on the bunk bed Dean tells Cas to put the pillows on the top bunker and for the last time— _button his shirt!_ Dean is left to fix the rest until Castiel returns, fully clothed, to help.

Once done, they both sit down, Castiel takes the window seat while Dean is just happy to be sitting there comfortable with a leg rest. They spent the morning talking quietly, Castiel’s eyes glued on the morning view by the window while Dean watches Cas watching the view.

It was surreal, to find peace in that. There’s that warm feeling fluttering deep in Dean’s gut again, making him happy. His gaze falls on Castiel who watches mountains pass them by in silence. Leaving Dean to study him and remember that very hot dream where Cas was beneath him.

That right.

Wasn’t a dream.

Dean smiles.

He was smiling when Castiel suddenly glanced sideways in his direction.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Just think it’s beautiful,” Dean whispers, drilling his green eyes on the ex-angel. Castiel tilts his head back, blue eyes now searching Dean’s.

“Thank you for doing this for me, Dean… I owe you a lot.”

“You don’t.” Dean shifts his body so he’s halfway facing Cas, frowning. “I won’t let you wander the streets on your own again. No can do, buddy. It’s my fault you’re out there in the first place, kicking you off the Bunker like that… well, because Sam still needs to get muscles back in his skin and you know after the trials… he’s just not the same.” He lowers his eyes. Castiel is fucking his soul out, eyes looking so straight, doesn’t matter if he’s an angel or not.

“How is Sam?”

“Getting better.” Dean closes his eyes.

“I understand.” The former angel presses his lips, soft voice hits some guilt spot on the hunter who looks from Castiel to the space between them, then to the ex-angel again.

“But on the plus side-I can go with you.” He grins innocently with a shrug when Castiel gives him a dour look. The line keeps moving until they both fall in each other’s steps. Dean waits the reason behind the wrinkly on his forehead.

“How is this any different, Dean? You are with me. It means you are putting yourself in danger. Don’t you think it’s much dangerous to be around me, more so now?”

“Danger-psshhhh. _I’m dangerous._ They should be the one running away from us.” Dean turns bodily to the ex-angel who’s still frowning at him unconvincingly. Is this why Castiel has been grumpy ever since he picked him up from Gas n Sip? Guilt constipates Dean for the lies he’s been spouting. Except some of it does hold some truth. “I only let you go cause… well, you know I did that to protect Sam, he’s weak, Cas. A blower can knock over his big, dopey ass. Now, he’s safe. Which means I need to keep my best friend safe—and I’m not sayin’ you’re second responsibility, Cas—it’s just Sam almost dying—”

“Of course. Nothing is more important than his life.”

“But you’re important too.”

Castiel shakes his head. “I’m not.”

“To me, you are.”

“Well, you’ve always been important to me if this is a competition.” The ex-angel smartly says, throwing the shade of awkwardness that as actually too sincere. “But between the two of us, you are more—

“Shut up or I’m gonna kiss you.”

“I’ll put up with it.” Castiel says, eyes twinkling in challenge.

Dean’s eyes widen. “Where d’you learn to answer back like that, you…are you flirting with me, Dean Winchester, the guy you just met?” he says that as a joke, but he was also weighting Cas’ words. He doesn’t want to ignore those little clues any more than when he ignored Cas for a whole month. And what he sees and hears from the angels lead him to believe something… _unbelievable._

Castiel still has the same effect on Dean who blushes at the attention and tries to get the him distracted from the sudden slip of the tongue. Slip of the tongue? Hardly. And it’s a very different slip of tongue he wants now. 

“Quit playing games with me, Cas.” He whispers half seriously.

The gaze fresh from the scenery finds each other again, eyes always on each other’s lips, asking but no one confirming. Dean doesn’t know what Castiel wants, actually. He only wishes to be with Dean… _or was there more_?

Zoning out for a minute, Dean snaps at the movement of Castiel’s lips again. Cas had been talking. He was supposed to be listening.

“…I personally think it’s incredible. What humans can fit in a compartment and their ability to adapt on such a small scale. How much did you say this cost you, Dean?”

“J- just a break on the bill, nothing much to think about.”

“I have to think about it, I don’t have any money, Dean.”

“I got it covered, we’re both broke but we’re paid to ride back and forth, okay?”

“It sounds very convenient when you say it like that, Dean.”

“Look, buddy. This train will take us half across the United States and then back again to Kansan which means it’s gonna be a four-day ride back. It’s better than wandering around motels and I tell you the pay isn’t cheap, but this country owes us that.”

“Why?”

“Because we hunt things for free and we only use bad money from bad people.”

“Well, I know for one thing it’s illegal. But I’m more confused about why you think to use it for me, I am not necessarily a good person, Dean.”

“Tell me again who sneaked alcohol, guns, and knives inside public transportation?”

That was enough to make Cas smile again. Dean chuckles to himself remembering suddenly how he was very sleepy, but also very much enjoying the presence of his friend who keeps looking at him like he is his most precious person in the world.

“Just relax, okay, Cas? I got us both… we’re gonna be fine. I mean sitting our ass out on comfy bed and chairs, eating all desserts and meats in four days? _I call that vacation.”_

“We are being hunted, Dean. I suggest you raise your senses to extreme vigilance.”

Dean yawns. “I am vigilant.” He blinks his starry, sleepy eyes at his smiling companion.

“Do you want to rest, Dean? I can look after you.” And it’s a promise Dean knows is true. “Do you want to return the beds now?”

“I can sleep like this, really.” His eyes begin to droop. It’s not even lunchtime yet and here he is, hungry for more sleep. There’s a hand on his arm, rubbing him quietly, almost lulling him to sleep.

“But it would be straining your neck. I know your body is still sore… and I can’t heal you anymore, Dean… so better take the bed then. I don’t want to see you hurt when I can’t do anything about it.”

“Sure, you can. Snuggles on the bed work.” Dean smiles gummily, heavy lids going in seconds. Castiel looks like he’s frowning.

“I thought it’s not okay for you to share beds?”

“Says who?” Dean snaps, throwing his head straight. “What makes you say that?”

“I think you mentioned something about privacy before. And lots of space, Dean. I understand privacy now better than you can imagine. But personally, I have no qualms sharing a bed with you.”

“Me too.” Dean stammers. “I … I like to share beds if you like…”

Castiel sets his too-serious-blue-eyes in searching mode.

“You say that, but we both know you’re not a fan of sharing your pillow, Dean.”

“No, I don’t.” Dean closes his eyes with a soft inhale, heads dropping on his side to Castiel’s shoulder. “I don’t share my pillow…no.”

He falls asleep like that, Castiel remaining to be an object of his frustrated fantasies. Good thing, somehow, it’s good thing Cas can’t see his dreams … he would be dying of embarrassment.

* * *

He wakes up from a knock on the door. Dean startles, eyes beady as he scans the room. He can hear the shower on. So Castiel must be in the bathroom. Yawning to himself, Dean straightens up to answer the door. He pauses by the bathroom just to listen if Castiel is humming. He was sure he heard some humming. Hmmm.... he's never heard Cas hum before.

Shrugging to himself, he went to open the door.

He was greeted with Andy, their cart attendant, smiling up when their eyes locked like he was waiting for this chance. THe guy was wearing the same black uniform but unlike when Dean first saw him, he now has with him an actual pushing cart.

"Hey," Dean rubs his eyes. "Food deliver guy?"

"Yes, sir. I brought your pick me up fresh from and dinner will be served promptly at six, three hours from now." 

"Uh... sure..." Dean blinks, hardly making anything as he lets the car attendant in. He follows him with the biggest yawn, his eyes closing tight at the extent. Doing so, he must've miscalculated the distance of the table and his bed. The next thing he is bumping on someone's ass- the car attendant no doubt. Dean grabs on his hips accidentally to avoid falling down, his knees still jelly from too much sleeping.

"Oh." Andy gasps with a playful smile on his lips. 

"Oh...?" says another, much colder tone.

Dean follows the sound and sure enough, there is Castiel from the bathroom door, studying him with piercing scrutiny and questioning eyes on Dean's hands still firmly grasping said attendant' ass.

Castiel ignores him for the rest of the afternoon. Magically, Andy melted away between them after that.

“Can you quit glaring at me?” Dean sighs, not touching the food on the table.

“I’m not glaring at you.” Cas snaps from his bunk bed. "I have my eyes closed."

"Can we talk about this? I didn't do anything."

Castiel suddenly sits up, slides his feet on the floor before giving Dean another cold look. 

"I didn't know humans can easily get turned on by just anyone. And I thought I was special."

"What- what are you talking about!?" Dean blinks, “Where are you going again?” Dean calls out, glowering when Castiel still doesn’t look back when he slides the door open.

“I need fresh air,” Castiel says and leaves Dean in the room in a huff.

Dean spends his time in the shower and then calls Sam to check things out that by the time he goes out of the room, it’s already half-past three with the sun on the other side of the train. He looks around the room. Castiel's presence creates that gaping hole too large and empty. He sighs. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, he'd rather have Cas here than stand by any misunderstanding. 

Pushing himself off the bed, Dean leaves the room with one thing in mind. 

Just shower Cas with love.

* * *

Dean goes to the lounge area to find Castiel in the observatory coach but he’s not alone. On the opposite side of the chair there now sits a tall young man with blonde curls and grey eyes with a maroon shirt and khaki pants. He is smiling and giving flashes of his deep dimples and white teeth, arms on his knees, body tuned in to Cas, palms rubbing and his eyes—if eyes can latch as the guy basically runs eyes from Castiel’s eyes, running down his lips, boldly looking down Cas’ figure. Dean stands rigid outside the toilet door and swore under his breath.

“I see you’ve been preoccupied?” Dean asks trying to sound casual as he takes back his chair the moment the guy stands up quickly and disappears on the other coach. Castiel looks up Dean, watching his friend sit down quietly.

“You mean Dmitri?”

“Ah….so it’s Dmitri?” Dean nods up and down mechanically, both eyebrows up, “You really working on your charm now?”

“What? I’m not a witch.” Castiel says drily, turns his attention to the window with gaze of longing, “He’s nice. He offered to lend me books when he heard us talking about Kosher meals. He’s Jewish.”

“Everyone’s Jewish.” Dean mutters, eyeing Castiel up and down. He can’t determine if this was something he should intrude with, but Cas is a new human only living on his own for about three weeks since Dean, well… but Cas is his best friend so he says, “You think you can trust the guy?”

The look Castiel gives him is one surprised and alert. “Why, did you notice something about him?”

“No, just you know… a random guy walks up to you… guys don’t do that without a reason.”

“You mean if he’s also planning to stab me like April?” Cas squares on Dean, “You’re right. I need to be more vigilant since I can no longer sense what creatures are, demons or reapers. But if I’m going to trust my gut, Dean? That one around my stomach you keep telling me about? I think he’s just a really nice person. He said I look lonely and can need company.”

Dean reels on the spot. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out except a very lame. “I’m a company.” Castiel squints at him, but his eyes dart to the man approaching them from the aisle. Dean looks up as the tall good-looking guy with bright eyes, easy smile and basically everything Dean isn’t. Why did he immediately think of that?

Because the man’s smile is genuine. He can see it stretch when Dmitri guy’s eyes fall on Castiel, blissful and dreamy of his quick infatuation unbidden and free. No burden of the world ever ending. He’s one of those men on the other side of the veil with life Dean will never have. Guys who enjoy the luxury of travel, falling in love, and being happy from the bottom of their hearts. Someone’s life he’ll never be.

“Cas—” he starts but stops when he sees Dean. The discomfort quickly settles as he looks from Dean to Castiel, wary, and alert. For a second Dean gives him a quizzical look. Trained for years to read people, he knows the guy is head over heels for Cas. The hunter diverts his eyes to the ex-angel and it struck him how Castiel is already smiling like he’s known the guy his whole life.

“Dmitri, this is Dean, my friend.”

“Friend?” a hopeful tone pitches in the air, attention snapping back to Dean.

Dean holds the man’s gaze, wanting him to back away, to go and disappear because believe it or not Dean is armed, and he’s not really the type that tackles common citizens, yet he knows when his territory is being invaded. And the look usually gets people out of his way so stare him down he did.

Except Dmitri just blinks at him, then gives Cas those flashing teeth as he rounds on the ex-angel’s other side and takes the seat beside him. “Here are the books I was telling you about…”

Dean’s stomach did a backflip when Castiel turns his rotating chair on Dmitri.

Fist clenching, he watches as the two zones him out like bad high school friends against the third wheeler. Not like Dean ever felt like a third wheel—that’s not Dean Winchester! If there’s anyone sensitive about these things it was Sam! Sam who likes building up friends even when they only stay in a town for a week. Sam who goes home mopping about how he doesn’t want to move away because he met a genius kid who he thinks will be the next astronaut forty years from then.

Sam who goes home grumpy because his little circle of wrong friends outcasted him for being the nerd boy. But Dean had no reason to feel that way growing up. It’s always been him and Sammy and their father. Friends come to him with benefits and he enjoys what he gets—if they want him to fuck off and leave them alone, Dean doesn’t argue. He knows he’s never gonna be there long enough to heat the couch so being outcasted is not a thing.

Except now, when Cas turns his back on him to talk to his ‘new friend’. Dean rolls his eyes at the first chuckle and intrepid ignorance of Dean’s intimidating look, which only suggests the guy is serious with Cas. The realization did not sit well with him even though he knows it’s impossible—or is it? Cas is human now and the last thing Dean remembers advising Cas is to _move on and leave the fights, get his shit together and try to live his human life the best as he can._

So what if Cas gets a boyfriend or two… a tinkle of laughter from Castiel gets Dean finally looking up darkly at the guy making Cas… what… happy?

_Just because he couldn’t._

“You brought a bag of books with you?” Cas is saying, amusement in his bright eyes.

“Sure, it’s the only reason I got on this train.” Dmitri draws his hands up to make a shape of a bag, “It’s in this huge luggage in my room open for my attendant to see. Y’know this train isn’t just about crossing states. It’s… freedom of changing environments, taking a break from hectic life schedule

“Yeah, you’re only allowed to bring it like what—50 lbs a bag?”

“I don’t need that many if I got books.” Dmitri shrugs, eyeing Dean long and searchingly with critical eyes. Dean knows he’s being judged and hated at the same time—how cold can a guy’s eyes be? “It’s mostly my comfortable tops and shorts and basic necessities. They have the rest on the train so why bother?”

“Ever heard of kindle?” Dean scoffs. Cas squint in his direction, repeating the word soundlessly on his lips.

“What can I say? Men like me who like the smell of the pages of the books exist.”

Castiel squints, then turns to Dean. “Why would you want to burn his books with a candle, Dean?”

Dean rolls his eyes. Oh, he was itching to do it.

Why doesn't anyone believe when they say books are the deadliest weapon in the world? He throws Castiel a look.

"You coming back in the room?"

Castel looks a little taken aback. Dean glares, just glares.

"Of course, Dean."


	3. Chapter 3

Dinner was quiet. Awfully quiet. They sit on the chairs quietly eating their food without saying anything. Dean just knows Cas wants to tell him something. He wants to tell him something too but he can'/t Doesn't want. Tell Cas he was jealous? Not to meet the guy again? Ridiculous... Cas is a free human... With a hard gulp, Dean wipes his lips with the back of his hand.

“Alright, what’s up with..."

Castiel beats him to it before he can finish-

“Food delivery in a room is very expensive, Dean. I can’t help thinking about the expense. Maybe we should stop deliveries…” he lifts his eyes finally. “I mean, you did say it’s back and forth. You know my pay cut in Gas n Sip isn’t even enough to cover a month’s pay on a motel?”

“Why do you worry so much about money, Cas?” Dean slices the ribs, not planning any argument to start when the ex-angel is giving him the heavy brows slanted in a sign of disapproval. Although he knows how much more this is about delivery service. “I told you not to worry—so why do you?”

“Because I’m human and that’s the basic instincts of what humans do. Also, because I now understand deeply why it is important for most humans to have jobs. I know them now. So I can’tworry even if you tell me not to. Dean… what exactly would I do when we separate ways?”

It’s the look in Castiel’s eyes, pure submission to his fate and humbled by it that gets Dean like he’s been gutted. The unpleasant feeling started there and stays until then while he drowns himself in those flickering blues.

Castiel deserves better friends.

“We’re not separating,” Dean says simply.

Castiel ogles at him. An eyebrow arches. “After four days?”

Dean stiffens and it’s just possible Castiel understands it too because he copies Dean. A moment of hush silence falls between them. Their eyes lock but their usual twinkle doesn’t come. Only silence and the sound of the beating train against the rail.

“If it makes you feel better, I have nothing either. If you go, I mean.”

“But we will still part.”

“Well, let’s cross the bridge when we get there, what do you say?” Dean reaches for Castiel’s hand and pats it encouragingly. “Who knows? I might just bunk in with your little space, wherever it is you live.” He lied again. Of course, he knows where Cas lives.

The thought of living together in his space makes Castiel suddenly smile.

“You won’t fit in my space, Dean. It’s too cramped.”

“That’s now what you said when I slept on top of you.”

Castiel blushes.

“Well, it’s not my position to deny you then,” Castiel says when Dean orders for him in a beat. “I don’t think people begin everything with sleeping on top of each other.”

“Oh, you have no idea, Cas. Still, there’s nothing we should worry about. All of this is paid for. The only thing we gotta do is to stop screwing up and the world and maybe do something good.”

Cas falls silent for a moment and Dean contents himself watching as his best friend contemplates things on his now human head. How does Cas keep everything there anyway?

“You know Dean, I did things in the past-”

Dean cuts in bluntly, a hand pointing at the angel. “You know, I had a dorky friend who likes this burger and stuff. The random guy didn’t eat anything at all. But I thought I remembered telling him not to worry about things too much, y’know? Things happen and you know… you forget it. Move on. Best solution otherwise we’re gonna get stuck in one place. You dig? So what we do? We do what we can and what we can do is to keep you safe. Even if it meant exhausting funds of some multibillionaire dude up the human food chain.”

Castiel stares at him for a moment, then looks around, pressing his lips, then shrugs. “I don’t want to be a hypocrite; I am by a margin a homeless now… I am the last person to deny charity from you.”

Dean frowns.

“This is not charity, Cas.” He explains trying to sound patient, “This me trying to make sure you are safe. You really wanna hang around there in Gas N Sip while the angels try to steal all your milkshakes.” Castiel straightens indignantly.

“I think they will like the milkshakes.”

Dean snorts, arms crossing by the table.

“What about Sam? Is he gonna be okay with you gone for days?”

“Yeah, he’s doing good. The trials did him a number… and I knocked many times on wood, he uh… got better. He’s been pestering me about you for a while which means Sam’s back.” He lies again. Always lying to Castiel. Cas who trusts him.

Castiel smiles warmly. Then back at the windows. Dean just watches him.

“Cas,” the blue eyes return, “You know I really didn’t want you to leave right?”

Castiel doesn’t respond for a moment. Dean thinks the silence can kill and he bows his head with an inward sigh. 

“Would you believe me if I tell you I didn’t really believe it when you said you were trying to protect Sam from my pursuers?”

Dean straightens, a frown on his face. Castiel didn’t believe him? He studies the angel for a moment, watching as the round blue stares back, innocent and sincere. If Castiel didn’t believe him then did he just believe that Dean kicked him out of the bunker? That Dean suddenly doesn’t need him because he has lost his power? The memory of Castiel telling him ‘I don’t have my powers anymore’ guts Dean. And he remembers himself telling Castiel it doesn’t matter.

Because it doesn’t.

And Dean is still sincere about it. He swings his eyes on the ex-angel again.

“What did you believe?”

“Dean, you brought me back to the Bunker without a hitch… you didn’t mention anything about my enemies until you got me to sit down and asked me to leave, which is in itself, confusing. No, what I didn’t understand is why it felt to me like… someone’s holding you with a gun on your head.”

The unwavering stare surprised him. Try as he might, Dean could never break that easily from that kind of stare that seemed to go through his irises to the back of his head, consuming him.

Who the hell says Castiel is never the same will answer to Dean? Holding a gun on his head? That’s not it. Dean fucked up things with Sam. If there’s anyone here holding a gun on his head, it’s himself. It’s only when Dean hears Castiel’s soft voice calling his name did he realize he has fallen silent and silent is not a good thing.

“Dean. I am right, then?” Cas is looking at him through x-ray eyes like he can see right through Dean. The moment the hunter admits angel or not, Castiel will always know him better. He gives a wry smile and leans back on his chair with an attempt for nonchalance.

“You don’t have to worry about it, Cas.” Dean swallows, tongue on his cheek, eyes on the table. “We’re repeating our stuff here.”

“I know. It’s just hard for me to see you struggling… knowing I can’t do anything about it. But then… I always remind myself how strong you have been from the very beginning, Dean…”

“Stop putting icing on a regular pancake, Cas.”

“Then I love the pancake.” The ex-angel insists, “Still, I wished you still trust me to confide what’s been keeping you from me. I want to believe I still have your trust, Dean.”

“I do, Cas. I do trust you. That’s why I’m here.”

Castiel blinks, but was not able to reply when there’s a knock on the door. Dean makes to stand, but Castiel stops him. Dean watches as Cas came back with a grimace, now carrying a tray of hardwood smoked bacon and children’s pancakes. He sees Cas frown at the contents of the order, shifting on his chair and looking uncomfortable again. Dean finishes the ribs and puts the plate aside.

“Second serving? Did we only eat the pick-me-ups?” no answer. Dean puts both elbows on the table. “You know they use to serve rabbits here?”

“What?” the complete surprise overrides Castiel, his mouth dropping open.

“Yeah, I mean, if they don’t wanna make people pay that much, might as well pay for a pack of bacon and chicken, right? Go for the ducks and rabbits—and make em’ fifty percent the price of Mr. Bacon.”

“Ducks are quite expensive in some countries.” Cas is frowning now, “I understand why they would want to serve the rabbits. They breed like… like… well, _rabbits._ I use to visit a place—an island where rabbits dominate the animal kingdom. No humans, not tribal people. Just… _rabbits._ ”

Dean’s mind exploded thinking of an island with all rabbit ears popping from bush to bush. He gapes at Cas, color rising at all the cute heart-shaped noses—

“And you’re just sharing now?” Where’s that place?”

Cas blinks. “It’s in a secret paradise untouched by humans.”

“And you’re not gonna tell me?” he demands, feeling like he’s a friend— former angel friend has been keeping stuff from him. The narrow squints of the blue eyes get Dean frowning. “What?”

“Of course, I can tell you.”

“You trust me with the info?”

“Well, it’s not like you can go there. You hate flying.” Cas’ cocks an eyebrow and Dean’s retort falters and he pouts. Castiel smiles at him all gummy without any warning—a feat that gets Dean staring at his friend with his stomach fluttering. He thinks how much an angel to him this human is right now with his stories of rabbits and inhabited islands. Still so perfect. Dean knows Cas won’t believe it. 

“Don’t worry, Dean.” Castiel reaches to his forearm and squeezes his hand. “If you really wanna go there, I’ll join you. Although I’m fairly certain no flight can even get there, but there will always be a way.”

Dean grins. “You don’t even have a passport.”

“Claire says it’s easy when I asked her about it…” Castiel nods solemnly, chest sticking out. It takes Dean by surprise for him to have already reached Claire first. Did he speak to her before Dean? “and frankly it would have been my next step if I get the records of Jimmy… I didn’t want to stop, but it would have been an unexpected move since my brethren think I’m only around states. It would have been my next step if I didn’t get the idea of well… trains."

Nodding his head, Dean puts both elbows on the table with a narrowed look at his friend.

“This escaping thing… what held you back?” Castiel looked guilty enough for Dean to go on saying, “Look, I’m glad you called me before you disappeared. I would be very worried about you if you just up and leave from Gas n Sip… don’t ever think I’d

At the same time, I’m not your responsibility anymore.”

“Why do you have to mention that?”

“I know you Cas… it’s like every time I see you… you’re raising flags over my head. You’re still trying to protect me.”

“I haven’t done anything for you yet to garner such a conclusion.”

“Yeah? Then remove the guilt of not being able to help me out.”

The look on Castiel’s face is a bullseye of Dean’s reasoning.

“I’m not your responsibility anymore, Cas.”

“Would you accept that if Sam tells you he’s not your responsibility anymore?” asks the ex-angel with a challenge in his tone, eyes squinting. Dean eyes him then shakes his head.

“Thought so.”

Dean taps his fingers on the table, eyes wandering back to the angel every now and then. Castiel who glares down the table with his right brow still arched, the very same poised he’d give Dean when he’s pissed, except he’s directing it at the table.

“I didn’t order any Kosher meal if you’re interested to know.”

“Kosher meal?”

“You know, Sam’s food.” Dean takes the menu cards and points out up, “Here.”

Cas frowns, “You mean the Sabbatical meal?”

“I’m only Jewish on certain occasions, but I gotta tell you this really cute girl, Jewish, chef, really cute tattoo below the hipbone—don’t tell me how I’m going back to hell, but she told me you can’t use the same utensils in preparing the garden sauce?”

“Sure. Purity is something Jewish people still value.”

“Yeah, and did I tell you how long the tattoo goes down, eh?” Dean grins and winks at his friend who rolls his eyes, disgruntled. At least Cas forgets about money. If Dean can save him from it, he’ll give Cas all his credit cards once the journey ends. Trouble is, what if Cas has enough money to go and leave permanently?

Such is Dean Winchester’s conundrum that morning.

* * *

“What’s our route, Dean?” Castiel asks, ducking his head to catch the falling piece of bacon from his fork down to his plate, leaving him frowning and Dean chuckling once their meal has been served. Dean checks his watch.

“Uh… we boarded 5:00 it’s 8 o’clock and the ride to Los Angeles is 34 hours if there aren’t any other delays and our first stop will be Colorado (a Junta Colorado, Trinidad, Colorado), Raton, New Mexico (West, Excites Dean), Albuquerque, NM, Dallies, Jinx. NM then Flagstaff, Arizona then City of the Angels.” He smirks again, “Isn’t that a coincidence?”

“Indeed.” Castiel mutters, “And I would appreciate it if the ham would stop moving.”

Dean laughs when said ham smacks down Castiel’s lap. The ex-angel stands up, unperturbed with the meat stain right on his crotch. Cas glares at Dean when he hears him snort but quickly presses his lips and hands his friend a napkin. Cas took it and begins rubbing his crotch in the middle of the dining table—in front of Dean while grunting aloud who looks scandalized enough. It’s not because of the wiping per se, but Cas being a natural painstakingly thorough guy, starts lifting the tab of his fly, turning the metal side to side and cleaning it with his body haunching, hips all buckling—

Dean’s whole face flushes. Castiel continued his vigil of torturing Dean when he hears the unlocking of the chains of the zipper getting pulled down…

_Jesus…_

“Are you seriously cleaning your crotch?” he whispers, swallowing hard when the very image gets his own bulge peeking because seriously he hasn’t been unloading and he’s with a hot guy—not it’s Cas— who’s not really seducing him but with those dipping long eyelashes and blue eyes too focused on cleaning on top of his jeans—Dean can only watch Cas’ biting his troubling bottom lips—and doesn’t answer.

Dean looks down his bacon and takes a large bite and grumpily, squiggling in his own chair, cheeks aflame. Cas is… Cas and his… oh boy.

He knew it was going to be challenged when he decided to go with Cas, no questions asked. Dean never thought it’s the angel attacking them that will be troublesome though. He knew it’s always gonna be Cas.

The first step on the train and Dean’s already sleeping on top of him—now three hours later and he is already exposed to Cas’ idiosyncrasies.

So he bites that ham and chops the pancakes violently so as not to offer his help. The reality of Cas fully trusting him scares Dean. One way or the other he’s really going to snap. Whether it’s for the better or for worse, Dean is only human.

How many more of this adorable sexy figure can he endure?

He chances a glance again—that’s his mistake.

“Cas…” he mutters quietly, breathing coming a little too shallow.

“Yes, Dean? What?” he stares in surprise at the way Dean is staring too transfixed in his direction. Dean swallows hard again. Castiel squints— “Are you—?”

Dean lurches forward, knocking the utensils down the floor as his mouth sucks on the finely hewn throat, teeth grazing on the skin, tasting—

“D-Dean—!” Cas’ voice hitches—and it’s enough to send Dean to his senses. He flings himself backward, all flustered and surprised by his own action, green eyes dilate. He breathes hard as he finds himself on the other side of the chair. He finds Castiel staring at him nonplussed, a hand on his neck covering his throat.

“S-Sorry!” Dean breathes out, bolting up. It was a good thing they were in the privacy of their own or Dean would have been too embarrassed—no, he is embarrassed!

To think he’s got his mouth on his best friend's neck out of instinct without permission. That was why Dean doesn’t like getting too much of this. Too much of Castiel. He begins to lust for more.

He can still feel it, the sensual act while half-buried in reality and dream world— and still all goes straight to his dick. “I—gotta got to the bathroom!” he injects before disappearing behind the small unit a few steps from the main room.

“Dean!”

Dean locks the door and presses his back on the wall, eyes wide. Oh, he clearly knows what’s happening to him. Knows exactly the reaction of lust on his best friend—but jumping like that on Castiel? S _omething is wrong with him!_

“Dean, open the door!”

“I’m fine, Cas.” Dean croaks, turning behind him to the piece of washing bin. He turns the sink on and buries his head to cool down. He can still hear Castiel’s fist pounding on the wall, Cas till hear him wanting to get in, but if Dean ever does that, one thing is certain.

“Cas, stop it! You’re not safe!”

There’s was a short pause. Then the pounding resumes, angrier this time.

“What do you mean not safe, can you just open this door!?”

“No!” Dean drowns his head on the sink, fist gripping the edge of the sink tight. He didn’t want that, Cas shouting like that in surprise again. He promised never to hurt Castiel anymore. He’s fucked up again. Always fucking up the most important things in his life. So maybe Dean shouldn’t have this either. It messes him… it will mess Cas… he sighs painfully. Shouldn’t have decided to have one room after all. The water doesn’t stop running.

A couple of minutes later, Dean hears movements just outside the door where his back is currently pressed. A thump on the other door pressing back with pressure. Dean tilts his head.

“Cas?”

Silence meets his words.

“Are you coming out now?” says the quiet voice.

Dean stays silent for a moment, then bursts out laughing.

“You know the meaning of that, I bet?”

Castiel only hums from behind. “Just come out here, Dean. It’s not as if… you did something I did not like. You took me by surprise, that’s all…I don’t mind it, really.” Castiel says stiffly.

Dean doesn’t say anything. He rests his chin on his elbow. He listens to the sound of dripping water on the sink. His heart has stopped its frantic beating, a horse that had seen a mouse on the loose. It surprised him, that’s all. 

“You… may not mind it as much, Cas… but it means something to me… I don’t want to be that fucking guy who took the opportunity just because he’s there.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about… the guy who… never mind…” he buries his face deep in his arms. He knew he was going to sabotage this in the end, he always does no matter how much he tries. The worse thing was that Cas is ready to forgive him. The _worst_ of all is Dean’s lips hungry for more. He bites it down, tries to forget the heat of Castiel’s skin against his mouth. It just made the aching of his cock worse.

"Anyway, Dean... I still want to talk about it, okay? I'm going to the coffee bar."

Saying so, Dean hears Castiel's light feet walking away, and the sound of the door sliding close.

He thinks how this is exactly the opposite of not separating. Dean groans in anger. What is happening?

* * *

Minutes later, Dean enters the coffee bar with mixed interest at the classic theme and brilliant vintage bar. He especially pays attention to the jukebox in the corner when he feels someone walk up behind him. He didn’t turn. He didn’t wanna punch someone in the face without a reason.

“Hey, Dean.”

Dean knows that voice and his sigh is impatient. Then again, social conventions that Castiel always asks about seems to seep itself on the hunter that day. He turns around to find Dmitri standing too close on him with a smile on his face.

“Hey,” Dean says without emotion looking pass the guy who’s watching him with eyes bright. What’s that? Bright? Cas ain’t even here. “Cas is…” nope, he’s not gonna tell this guy how Cas is all alone in their compartment, no. “Cas is in the toilet. He won’t be long,”

“Nice. No, actually, I came to talk to you…” the way he gestures his head towards an empty table gets Dean’s stomach tightening. Is he going to ask for Cas’ hand in marriage? Dean is already growling even before he can reach the chair.

He glowers at the man who smiles at the attention.

“You are so handsome, you know. I’m sure everyone’s told you that.”

Dean pauses, his anger subsiding. Huh…

The winning smile on Dmitri’s face doesn’t disappear. Actually, now that Dean thought about it… this guy… _is this guy hitting on him?_

“Uh, thanks but I don’t roll that way,” Dean says gruffly, almost standing up but Dmitri grabs his wrist back. The two stares at each other with Dean ready to pounce—except Dmitri looks like he’s ready to receive whatever Dean’s gonna throw.

“Let go, man, you don’t want your blood on the floor.”

“That’s hot, really.”

“I thought you’re after Cas?”

“Him? Oh, he’s adorable, I give you that… but his kind, the innocent one? I’ve met many people like that… but you… you’re all… _alpha_ and you’re drawing attention everywhere you look, I bet… you’re so…” he stands up, puts a hand on Dean’s arm and draws near. “I’d like a bite if you don’t mind.”

Dean grins, then punches the guy in the gut. Dmitri curls on his stomach and then he’s down the floor.

“Dean!”

Dean whirls around to find Castiel staring at him with a horrid look on his face.

_Great._

* * *

Dean glares at his laptop when the compartment room opens and Castiel comes in.

“How’s your patient? Did he ask you to wipe his ass too?”

Castiel frowns as he walks towards the bed and stops in front of the hunter with a very disgruntled look. He crosses his arms and for a moment, even Dean felt the intensity of the blue gaze—an angel of the lord returning to power as he scrutinizes the hunter.

“Dean, that was very mean. Why did you punch Dmitri?”

“He deserves it.”

“Because he’s a dick?” Castiel raises an eyebrow skeptically, “Yes. I know you don’t punch people without a reason, but you should still control yourself. Your strength is inhuman, Dean. You’re way stronger than any average people and Dmitri? He’s like a fly swatted. You really hurt him.”

“Yeah, well, it already happened.”

“Of course.”

Silence, then Dean shuts his eyes close.

“What do you want from me now?”

“I want you to apologize.”

“Well, fuck, not gonna happen.”

“Dean—”

“Sue me if he wants to—”

“Which will raise concern on our real identity and the last time I checked, you’re still Dean Winchester and I’m still the dead persona of Jimmy Novak. It’s not on our advantage, Dean.”

There’s a moment silence, then Dean is growling.

“Fine, what will make that idiot happy?”

“What else? A date.”

* * *

Dean is still grumbling the next morning as he follows Castiel out of on the narrow corridor. The train had made plenty of stops and now they are in the area of Colorado Springs.

“Why are you whoring me out here, Cas?”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’re giving me out like some happy meal.”

“No, I’m really not giving you out.” Castiel stops on his tracks to stare at Dean who pauses beside him. The ex-angel gives him a critical look. “This is only breakfast, Dean. I’m not giving you out to anyone.”

“Doesn’t look like that to me.” Dean sighs, walking ahead with Castiel behind him. “I mean, if he asks for me, I bet you’re gonna hand me out to him.”

“No.” is the flat answer. They arrive at the dining room where Dmitri waves at them sporting a bruised mouth. Dean sets his jaw when he sees the man patting on the chair beside him. Not wanting Cas to be beside someone filthy, he lets himself slide next to the dude he’s ready to pound later. God, the picture doesn’t set it right. Dean looks grumpily over Castiel who frowns at him.

“I’d like to stay with you guys for lunch too.” Dmitri says casting a weird look over Dean, then Castiel, “if that’s not too much of a hassle, of course.”

“Dean?”

Dean shakes his head. 6 hours to go and it’s Los Angeles.

“Stomach ache.” He left the two and proceeds to lock himself in the room. In Castiel’s absence, Dean has spent his time glued to his computer with a headphone on his head. He distracted himself with cases near L.A because maybe they can stay there for some time if Gas n Sip is still hot on the radar. Dean got Garth after it, and since he’s receiving. He spent the next hours staring at the landscape of the Rocky Mountains. Dean stays in the room wishing he could share the view with Cas when the door opens.

He relaxes when he sees its his friend.

“Dean?” The tip of the side of his bed dips. “Are you okay, Dean?”

“Hey…”

Dean waits until Cas has climbed on his bed and faces the view on the wide window.

“Wow….” He says a little breathlessly, making Dean glance in his direction.

“It’s the same view in the lounge… unless you’re on a different train, Cas.”

“I know.” His friend admitted with a look in his direction, “It’s just that… it’s different with you.”

Dean’s heart skips a beat, his fingers digging on the sheet of his mattress. “Yeah?”

Castiel nods staring serenely in his direction, “Everything’s beautiful, Dean…but without you, I don’t know. Things don’t seem the same. They lose their appeal. I lose interest if you’re not there.”

“Wow. You’re making me blush. Stop being so needy.” Dean grins, nudging his best friend who chuckles and settles closer beside him. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Here beside me.”

“Shut up. I’m talking about you two-faced—I mean, your special book friend.”

“He went back in his room, I guess. He invited me to his room just now so I can select the books, but I said no. I suddenly had the urge to see you. I missed you, Dean.”

Flushing red, Dean chuckles. “I’m just here. Not going anywhere.”

“I’m glad I did find you. And the Rockies are very beautiful with you now. You must love it. You love things about the West. This must be making you so happy, Dean…”

Dean sighs, “It’s all dad’s…”

“Huh?”

“Well…Dad loves them, cowboys. After vicious hunts, dad would return bloody and beaten. After cleaning himself up, he’d always open the motel TV which usually would have the cables on cowboys and I’d stay away. Just stay on the bed, watching his head… watching his back. Y’know just watching him alive. With dad’s business, it’s not hard to imagine that one day, he wouldn’t come back. After many days of disappearing on me and Sam… so every time he does, I’ll watch him. Memorize his back, until I memorize all his favorite films. Imagine one day, he quoted something to me from Shane, you remember? Made you watch that—”

“I do remember.” Cas smiles.

“Well, he told me, he said, ‘ _son… a gun is a tool. No better or no worse than any other tool. Like bomb or ax or missiles or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that_... he changed a few lines and I told him the exact words from Shane. You should have seen his face, Cas… he looked at me like he didn’t know me and I dunno… he got so proud of me, must be the first time, but he’s so proud.”

“Is that why you’re always excited about classics and movies?” the glance Cas gave him is one of his fondest, angel or human. It’s Cas soul staring at him from there.

That’s when it hits Dean. _Cas’s soul… is so pure._

“I guess… It just grew on me. Wanted to make my dad proud then, or maybe it’s me liking his smile. Because it’s the firs real smile he gave me since mom died. I wanted to make him happy.”

“You always take care of the people around you, Dean.” Cas whispers, sitting closer to Dean and sighing. “You took care of Sam, and I know what you did for your father. You’ve always been a very good person, Dean.”

“Aw, c’mon, Cas, don’t turn this all mushy…” he chuckles.

“But it’s true.” Castiel says with an earnest expression. “Dean, you are a very good person and—and it always pains me to think you have to rely on your father’s approval like… I know he matters to you, but Dean, your kindness… who you are… something so innate that had blossomed since you begin to see the world for it is… and I cannot be thankful enough for having to meet you.”

Dean knows he is blushing. He smiles awkwardly at the ex-angel and mutters a simple agreement. He is also fully aware that Castiel’s eyes are on him alone so to reduce the embarrassment, he struck some chords on the guitar he is holding. Cas’ eyes fall on it.

“Where did you get that?”

“The attendant let me borrow it.”

“He was here?”

Dean nods, tightening the strings, he gives Cas a look. “Wanna listen?”

Castiel nods, then kneel on the bed and plant his back on the window opposite Dean, face to face with their knees almost bumping. Dean smiles sheepishly and struck another chord that thrums in the air.

“Any song?”

“Anything you have right now that rings true, please.” He takes his legs and sits by the headboard. He watches Dean adjust the strings and then the first strum. He gives Cas a long look, a very careful look. For a long time, Dean knows he’s in love with Cas, but come what may, it’s always the world first before he can stop and think about it. The train’s slow speed and no urgency in the environment have kept Dean much aware of his own emotions. He remembers what happened yesterday, how he had to lock himself up in the bathroom, how he was so embarrassed to face Cas. But it’s all accumulating at one point.

He likes Cas. His angel. Always, always the beautiful Cas… he hums.

_“I think you’re pretty, without any make up on_

_I think you’re funny_

_When you tell the punchline wrong_

_I knew you got me_

_So you let your walls come down_

_Down…”_

He closes his eyes, feelings bursting for years, buried deep inside all trying to sing the orchestra

_Let’s just talk all through the night_

_There’s no need to rush_

_We can dance until we die_

_You and I we’ll be young forever_

_You make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream, The way you turn me on_

_I can’t sleep, let’s runaway and don’t look back, don’t ever look back_

_Don’t ever look back_

_My heart stops when you look at me_

_Just one touch_

_Now baby I believe this is real_

_So take chance_

_Don’t look back, don’t ever look back,_

_Don’t ever_

_I will get your heart racing if that’s what you need_

_In this teenage dream tonight_

_Let you rest your head on me if that’s what you need_

_In this teenage dream tonight.”_

Looks up. Castiel is… staring. Just staring.

“You like that?” Dean asks. Castiel’s face changes as he crawls up to Dean, a hand sliding on his cheeks before Castiel is kissing him on the lips. Dean groans to the kiss and tightened his hand on the guitar. When Castiel pulls back, they’re both breathing heavily. Dean can still feel the plush lips fresh on his own he forced himself to ask,

“Cas, what are you doing?”

“I don’t know.” Cas says honestly, eyes lingering down Dean’s lips. He rubs his thumb on the seam, electric connection keeping his hand still. “I… I just suddenly have the urge… to do it… Dean, I… is it bad? I haven’t really been practicing… I didn’t need the skill.”

Kissing. They’re kissing.

Dean’s head is still in cloud 9 just staring at the angel. But his first words.

“Why?” he breathes out. Castiel tilts his head in confusion.

“I’ve been wanting to… but just now my body refuse to cooperate. You… sometimes you’re just making me very honest, Dean… and this is as honest as I can tell you. I like it.”

Dean doesn’t let anything else between them as he discards the guitar on the side and pulls Castiel on his lap, arms wrapping tight around his waist, drawing him in, lips crashing on each other.

They make out.

“It’s on the way.” Cas says a little huskily after a full two minutes making out. Castiel is clutching hard on Dean’s collar, pulling him in when there’s no more space, feeling the heat of his body against him. When Cas accidentally rubs hard down his lap, Dean gives a loud groan and clasps the ex-angel’s around the waist to keep him from moving.

“No, I don’t wanna move.” Dean grunts, keeping vicelike grip on the angel’s hips, forehead on Castiel’s chin. He can feel his groin complaining to be freed but _fuck._ “If I move, I won’t stop.” 

“Then don’t.” Castiel whispers.

“No.” Dean glares up at Cas. “I’m not… you’re not…”

“I don’t understand.” Cas shakes his head, brows furrowing a little, “Not what?”

“We—we’re not—this is not what friends do Cas…”

“Friends…” Castiel falls silence, just staring at Dean. “I disagree. I’ve watched people—”

“You’re no longer watching, Cas. This is you and me, here. Right now… I don’t want to confuse you.”

Castiel stares in his eyes, the rush of the question in his eyes.

“But I like this.”

Dean’s heart is like a bullet shooting out of his chest. “Cas…” he groans.

“If you’re going to ask me, I think you’re the one who’s confused, Dean. I’ve never been more certain of something I’ve wanted for the longest of time.”

And Dean believes Cas. He pulls him in, Castiel’s arms circling around his neck, knees dropping on each side of Dean. The kiss is passionate, awakening all the sleeping senses in Dean he’s been trying to put at bay ever since their toes touched, their shoulder brushed.

[ ](https://verobatto-angelxhunter.tumblr.com/post/616405973390737408/here-we-are-this-is-my-first-work-for-a)

“Dean…”

“No…” Dean breaths out, “We stay like this… for now… but, I want to… your shirt.” He sees the shyness on Cas’ face as he nods quietly and Dean’s hands don’t go for the buttons. He takes slides both hands on the hem of Castiel’s shirt and drags his palms upward, taking over the pectorals, tracing the contours of the collar bone while his mouth laps on the exposed neck. When Castiel grinds his ass down Dean’s lap, the hunter gives out a loud hiss. He presses his forehead against Cas’ throat and sighs.

_“Fuck…”_

"This isn't going to be very friendly, Cas," Dean mumbles, voice thick with hands flying quick on the angel's belt. The buckle comes off and he goes for the button, popping it open with a flick and seriously hanging there when he pulls Cas' pants off. He drops down on his knees, taking the Impala's space and leaving all the clothes discarded on the floor, keeping a firm hold on Cas' mouthwatering hip bone he just had to kiss before sitting up on the back of his legs.

Then Dean freezes at the sight- Castiel, the angel of a battalion, once a commander and most powerful seraph lay there, all for him to take. there has to be some catch here. He is Dean Winchester, never the luckiest man on earth.

"Look so good, Cas..." he sighs, running his hand on the fair complexion till he feels Cas trembling on his touch. Dean wants to ask more, wondering if he is actually in a middle of a dream, but the image did not disappear and when Castiel leans on his elbows to reach for Dean with his muscle tensing and flexing at the movement, Dean lost it. Groaning, he reaches for his own buckle and button. He pushes Cas legs wide, earning a gasp from the surprised angel. Dean looks up once he slides himself between Cas' legs and begins stroking the half hardened cock. He looks up in adoration to find the angel staring at him, big blue eyes like two moons in the dark. _Watching._

"Are you okay?" Dean hesitates. "A-are we going fast?" Despite that, Dean did not let go of the throbbing length.

"You were very slow in removing my clothes, I fail to understand which part you determine to be 'fast'." Castiel tells him and the flat in his tone sends a ripple of action beneath Dean's bulge, "But I enjoyed it... I wished you are also fully unclothed, it would make perfect sense since we're having sex."

Dean tries not to choke up at the bold remark, but he's the guy holding another man's cock with his mouth drying with the intense need to get moving, his thirst building too much he's afraid he'd just turn feral. He watches Cas' eyes fall down between them to where Dean is still under his boxers, swallowing hard as if he can see past the material. Dean distracts the angel with a stretching pull from the base to the tip of his own cock, eliciting a groan from Cas that was unlike any other the hunter has heard.

"You're so sexy when you do that...." His own boxers tightening, Dean smiles, places a palm on the angel's chest and pushes him down. Cas obediently follows and flattens his back on the seat. Dean falls after him, capturing Cas' mouth into a full kiss. His strokes become indulgent with his lips latching on Castiel's exposed neck exploring around beneath that friggin jawline and making sure to leave marks while he keeps a firm hold on the angel's cock. Cas groaning in his mouth is all the heaven's choir he needs what more when he gets Cas on his knees? He tries not to think of it for now. For now, he wants to make Cas feel good. Thinking so, he kisses Cas' shoulders, tongues down the middle of his neck leaving his nipples for dessert later, and slides down to the angel's stomach.

"Dean," Castiel gasps again upon the hunter pushing his legs apart. Dean didn't answer. He can't. The cock waiting for him feels good on his touch. He wished he could see it with all the lights of heaven, yet the thought of seeing it later spikes a rumble straight to his groin.

"Dammit, Cas..." Dean swallows hard and takes the cock to his mouth.

He's sure he heard Cas cry, sure the deep gravelly voice just sounded so dirty it pushed all his buttons as he sucks in earnest. Cas' cock is soft and uncut, untouched even- Dean exhilarates at the thought he's the only one who can touch this- who has touched it given the many times Cas is rebuilt... His angel is a virgin. 

He pulls up, groaning loud, hand quick to take the wet cock and jerked Cas again. He looks up at the angel who is also curiously peering down, his blue eyes blown, chapped lips hanging open so Dean sweeps up to kiss him. He couldn't resist it. Cas looks so open and trusting and waiting. He kisses him hard. Sweet and pliant like Cas is afraid to be the first one to break so Dean kisses him more. Then he's back on the angel cock that had turned massive when he takes it on his mouth again. He gets the angel on the edge with only his mouth. Cas moaning on top of that while Dean takes all, moves heaven and earth the way he laps at the sturdy length. He drinks Cas all to himself until the angel's legs flail around him he had to keep a firm hold on Cas' inner tighs. That's when he begins bobbing straight down, the head of the cock nudging the back of his throat as he deepthroats and suctions him tightly.

"Dean..." Castiel groans again, now unable to control the thrust of his hip, but Dean never let him up, not without leaving the angel a wet mess. he keeps firm hands on his legs before sucking like its meal. Cas can hold out as much as he can so Dean takes the challenge. He buries his nose on the curls of his base, drags the length with his mouth till he is kissing the head and playing his tongue on the slits.

And the best thing is Cas' reaction.

Undiluted need filling his usually constipated face that makes Dean want to drag out more. The way Cas's head just turn to his side without restraining his voice. Cas is a glory to be seen so Dean can't blame himself for wanting to drag out more. Just more from his suctioning, he draws more. It must've felt so good because the next thing, Cas is thrusting in his mouth with echoes of cries and please to be freed. Dean shapes his jaw and pulls one hell of a blow job he's sure Castiel's eyes are rolling back the way he arches his back and buckles.

Dean pulls out, wiping his jaw wit the back of his mouth, clearly unfinished.

"Deannn....!" Castiel opens his wet eyes.

"Hang on Cas," Grunting, Dean gets up, dives on the front seat to the glove compartment and swats around until he finds what he is looking for. He gets back on the seat, shimmies out of his pants till he's naked. When he comes back to Cas, the angel is breathing very hard while he stares up the ceiling, his chest heaving up and down. Dean clambers on top of him, sitting on his heels to splatter cold gel on his own throbbing cock. He's been itching to do this but he tells himself, again and again, this isn't about him. He looks down at Cas' curved ass and couldn't help groaning. Castiel finds his eyes and the lust there is uncontainable.

"How are you feeling?" he smirks while jerking himself.

"Incredible I..Dean... I don't know... I want..." Cas breathes out and swallowing the rest when Dean's masterful hands return to his cock. Then Dean slides his free hand to trace Cas' legs, down to his cheeks till he finds the spot that makes the angel squirm. Castiel jerks nervously beneath him but didn't say anything so Dean soothes him by rubbings the tip of his finger in his hole while watching Castiel's expression change, delight filling him when Cas bites his lips at the press of the first finger.

"Have I told you how sexy you look so open to me like this?"

"Y-yes." Cas' voice is so wrecked, Dean just want to kiss him again.

Dean's eyes gleam. Cas is near the edge, his writhing becoming erratic as he thrusts a second finger. By the third slip, Dean's other hand takes his cock again and its nirvana except Dean pulls his hand, earning him a whining sound and jerking of legs. Dean chuckles as he firmly separates the legs again, lining himself under the angel.

"Cas, look at me," Dean whispers. "I wish I can take a picture of your face."

"W-why..." he didn't expect the question, heck didn't even think Cas to ask.

"You look... amazing... " Dean rakes his fingers on each of the angel's side and heaves him up. Cas lets him, wrapping both arms on Dean's neck as the hunter settles on the back seat. One look at the change of position and they are kissing again with Cas' legs straddling Dean's lap, their cocks pressed between them.

"I want to say the same." Cas breathes on his ear, hugging Dean closer. A movement that has Dean cursing over the angel's perfect body before his hands slide down and take a handful of the angel's plump ass. Dean pulls him closer with all intent to raise that ass up, his mouth on the shell of the angel's ears, whispering assurances because after all, this will be Cas first time.

"I know oral sex, Dean. Get on with it." is the immediate rough reply. Dean laughs.

"You're the boss." It didn't take long before the head of his cock is right there and in, sliding to the angel with enough tightness and ease that surprised Dean. He embraces Cas after a few groans, both adjusting to the feel of each other, with Castiel turning and biting Dean's neck aggressively.

"That feels good." Dean shuts his eyes. "Cas, baby... your body..."

"Kiss me." He breathes painfully, very sensitive of Cas' lips over his ear and the endless grinding that has Dean growling like a wild animal. Cas pushes away from Dean's body as they find their tempo. Dean tugs him back, gritting his teeth as their pace begins to share the car. Castiel's hot body pressing against him, his cock buried deep inside the angel and making territory. Unable to tear his gaze away from the miracle that is Cas, Dean takes the angel's cock. Cas crying in pleasure The leak on the head of Cas' cock and the noise they make as they both hike up the tension building in their body. all wet and Castiel buries his face on Dean's neck, his body being jolted wildly while Dean's hip pushes forward, burying deep inside his baby.

"Dean...!"

" _Fuck."_

They scramble to chase their orgasm, both breathless and groaning loud as Dean drops down on Cas' body. Castiel wraps his legs around Dean's hips, not letting him get a way. And Dean tilts Cas' chin just so they stare. He was still inside Cas and he made him feel that. Tears spring from Castiel's eyes, but Dean kisses them away too. When he gets enough energy for another round, he tells Castiel finally.

_"You're mine."_


	4. Chapter 4

_“I’ll hunt him and smite him.”_ Cas whispers, whimpering softly. His soft body was pressed hard on the wall, stomach pushed on the sturdy surface while Dean hold both his arms hostage from the back, digging deep and steady, slow and with purpose behind him.

It’s the third day of being so closed together, but they never come out of their room anymore. There was no need, all they needed was there.

Dean kisses Castiel’s back with slow thrust of his hips, earning growls and moans from Castiel he currents have on his mercy.

“Don’t bother with him, he’s a dick.” Dean says. Sliding one arm in front of Castiel’s stomach so he can get a good momentum of pushing up while pulling Castiel in.

“He deceived me. He deserves…. ah…. punishment.”

“How do you want to punish him, exactly?” Dean whispers on Castiel’s ears, nipping on the sensitive lobe, and another thrust.

Castiel kisses the wall.

“Burn his books… oh Dean…!”

“And…?” Dean smiles wickedly, biting on Castiel’s neck with enthusiasm. He can feel the swallow of the ex-angel turn to shiver when he thrusts again. Castiel was about to come.

“I’m going to…” Cas moans, Dean hitting a good spot.

Dean grunts. “Let’s not talk about him, annoying bastard… what do you want me to do to you?”

Castiel tinkles a laugh.

* * *

They cuddle, Dean being the big spoon with his arms wrapped around Cas’ middle, pulling him against his body as the train finally takes its last three hours down on to its journey to the West.

Dean wakes up with Sam’s number flashing on his screen. He pulls from Castiel and picks up a little grouchy. He gets a glimpse of Castiel’s peaceful face, peaceful and beautiful under the sheets on his bed. Dean’s bed. It gets Dean shifting to sit, his boner kicking in. He can’t have that when he got his brother on the other line.

Or he can ditch Sam again and just hook up with Cas again. He’d like to. Want to. The mounting excitement kicking beneath his boxers is agreeing a lot. But Dean’s not so rude and he gets up, not wanting to disturb his… _his what exactly?_ For a moment he gets lost at the memory their shared night.

It was one of the best nights in Dean’s life. And Cas?

_Cas is exactly what Dean thought he’d be with too much soft edges and firmness he thought he’d only see in his dreams._

Dean licks his lips, a smile splitting on his expression. He doesn’t know what to call them yet. Maybe Cas will know. He will ask him once his sunshine eyes are open and Dean can drown in them. He slips his feet off the bed to the front of the door where the basin and mirror stood on the side. Dean thumbs the answer button while staring at himself in the mirror.

“Sam?”

 _“Where are you?”_ Sam’s voice is crisp, severe. Dean tenses.

“Why, what’s wrong?”

_“Kevin’s dead! You know why!? GADREEL!”_

“Wh—what are you talking about!? Who’s Gadreel! Sam—"

_“Gadreel’s the angel you chained on me, Dean! Crowley told me everything! Bit of news flash— I ejected him! You know I would!”_

Dean sees his face paled from on the mirror, horror and dread filling his dark green eyes under the lamp light. No. Sam’s not yet fully healed. Sam’s not… he can’t, not after those trials. Dean sees the exact moment his eyes flickers dangerously as dark thoughts fill his mind.

_Kevin—? Dead—? Sam’s dying… and he’s with Crowley…_

_What if he makes a deal with the demon…? What…?_

_It’s your fault._ He tells the mirror before slamming his fist and shattering his reflection into pieces. _All my fault. Shouldn’t have left… should've stayed behind. Should not have come here…_

Blood seeps from his skin to the bottom of the sink, the corner of his lips also bleeding at how he’s biting fiercely on them so he won’t need to scream. So he won’t need to rage in that tiny sink.

“Dean?”

Dean madly whips around, blazing eyes on his friend. Castiel stares struck at him, his blue eyes widening at the pool of blood under the hunter’s feet. _“Dean!”_

_“Here, Dean. let me.”_

Dean can't hear anything. There was only one voice ringing in his ears.

_Kevin’s dead because of you! I ejected Gadreel! How could you, Dean! You—!”_

The line died and with it, half of Dean’s soul. It wasn’t supposed to end like that. Wasn’t supposed to end with anyone dead. How could something so terrible happen…? And in his absence…?

_‘dead because of you!’_

It rang repeatedly on his ear.

A hand reaches to his wrist where smears of blood is still uncleaned. His injured knuckle tightly wrapped around the sliced skin still bleeding profusely.

Dean sits at the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, head hung. He sees Cas’ nimble hand slowly unwrap the injured limb. Dean had seen Cas stumble up from the bed at the sound of breaking glass and immediately rushes to his side, gasping at the shards and blood covering his left hand.

Despite the initial shock of Dean’s words, Cas was able to pull himself together, careful to pull Dean away from the shards and lead him back to the bed. He only took one good look at Dean’s bleeding left hand before he disappeared on the toilet not saying anything. He comes out with a towel first, before he hunts for Dean’s bag at the topside of the bed.

He comes back now, offering his hand as he slowly kneels in front of the man with the hunter’s first aid kit on the floor, his expression dim. He doesn’t speak while tending to Dean’s wound and the hunter wouldn’t tell him.

Dean’s eyes flicker upward, eyes filling thinking of Kevin.

What was the last thing he told the kid…? Dean stares into the air blankly.

He finds Castiel too close in front of him in a kneeling position, jet black hair rumpled and untidy, just like how Dean likes to see him. Castiel doesn’t look up, he’s too focused on wrapping Dean’s hand with a gauze.

It gives Dean a view of the angel’s high cheek bones, his strong nose line, his long lashes dipping down his rosy cheeks… Cas kneeling in front of him reverently soothes him a little.

Dean chokes. He remembers the hurt that flashed on Castiel’s eyes and yet here he is… taking care of him when he doesn’t deserve it. The hunter tried to pry his hand away for the second time, wanting to turn away shamefully, but Cas doesn’t let go.

He doesn’t fucking let go and every time Dean tried to pull away after, Cas would give him looks of dagger. So, Dean stays where he is, let Cas do what he wants. Let silence cling on their being. Let his feelings just… _disappear._ Because Dean knows himself.

Dean doesn’t move. He stares quietly on the ground with teeth digging on his lips. so Castiel gently reaches for his wrist wrapped in the towel now stained with his blood.

Silence persists them. Only the sound of the ex-angel breathing quietly while unwrapping and dabbing ointments on the injury like an expert. Somewhere at the back of Dean’s mind, he wants to ask a lot of things. Like where Castiel learned a first aid. If he’d been injured himself while he was alone.

If Cas had also tended to other people the way he was so careful. The way his hand would gently brush on Dean’s skin. The way Cas was careful with him like he’s some piece of china too precious and fragile.

He wants to ask but his messed-up mind is keeping him from saying exactly what he wants to. What he needs to because… _Kevin is dead and Sam could be in trouble..._ And what had Dean been doing? Lusting after his best friend, taking advantage of a trip supposed to save Cas and fucking up saving Sam too. He doesn’t know how, he wasn’t able to get the details but if he gets the bits right from Sam hollering curses in his ear, the gigs up.

He gotta decide what to do next…

_Before Sam dies._

* * *

I’m going back.” He tells the shadow of his best friend in front of him. He can’t even bare look Castiel in the eyes. There’s a minute pause where the ex-angel must regard him quietly from where he stands.

“Okay. But we have to wait—”

_“I’m going back alone.”_

Swallowing hard, Dean bows his head and closes his eyes. Something is tearing apart inside his chest and its pain is more deplorably. He wants to puke everything he ate last night, wants to get out of his ow skin. There has to be a reason why he feels so repulsive of himself.

Gotta be some punishment from above forever little heartbreak he causes the former angel. But Dean can’t bear to be in the same room with Cas. He can’t tell Cas that—he’d break his own if he sends his best friend away again.

And he doesn’t want to see the pain in Cas’ eyes too.

“Okay.” The dry reply gets Dean opening his eyes. Castiel is still standing before him, erect and perceptive. “But you have to tell me what happened that earned that mirror your anger, Dean.”

“I fucked up. I gotta go back. Sam…” there’s no point hiding it now, is there? “Sam’s in trouble… Cas…” he did not anticipate the sudden break in his voice, nor the sudden shake of his whole body.

Before he knows it, tears sprung from his eyes. Castiel is in his space in a beat, grappling his shoulders tight and trying to look him in the eyes.

“Sam?” Cas’ gravelly voice is filled with concern. “What happened to Sam?”

Dean groans, smacking his head on both his hands, uncaring of his injury. Cas hovers around him as the hunter chokes— “He’s dying Cas! _He’s dying and it’s because of me!”_

“What do you mean? What happened, Dean!?”

_“I fucked up!”_

_“You think you’re the only one in that pedestal, Dean!?”_

Lithe feet on slippers come and go on his line of vision as he stares on the wooden floor where beads of his blood still color the ground.

It won’t be nice, this dark side. He’s gonna be in a bad place. He can feel the mounting anger just waiting to burst out. Pounding in his veins. Just waiting to flare. He closes his eyes and bites on his lips again.

_“Stop that.”_

Dean snaps his eyes open. Finds himself staring at Castiel’s deep blue. A thumb reaches on the corner of his lips. Cas wipes the trail of blood by Dean’s chin, a frown so deep furrowing between his glabella, his perfect thin lips curl. Up close, Cas looks still the same—an angel for Dean who’s always there when he calls, when he needs.

_I’m sorry._

Dean is gutted when he realized Cas can hear him no longer. Should have stopped Cas from the trial too. Should have stopped him and Sam… why are the people around him so hell bent on dying?

Always choosing to do the greater good, always leaving him to beg after them to _choose to live._ Why the hell do they want to do those sacrificing stuff? _Why do they always run away from him?_

Dean pulls away from Cas, settles a hand on the ex-angel’s shoulder and pushes him away.

“ _I… I need to be alone.”_

He slips on his side of bed and closes his eyes. He’s done thinking, he just wants to sleep. A tear slides down his cheeks and before he knows it, warm hands wrap around his cheeks, tugging it up so he’s looking straight in those blue eyes filled with concern, love. Dean swallows hard.

That entire time, he never heard Castiel leaving where he left him.

* * *

When Dean woke up the next morning feeling bedraggled and empty, the first thing on his mind was phone his brother. He stares at the window where the Grand Canyon’s shadow covering half the view with the orange sunset upon him. Dean quietly takes his phone out, fiddles it with his hand while he waits for his order, then presses for Crowley’s number.

The immediate pick up and the familiar cool voice of the demon gets Dean sitting straight.

_“Dean. Thought you’d forgotten you left something here. Care to have it back? I wouldn’t mind any other way.”_

“Shut up, Crowley. Where’s Sam?”

_“Oh. Here I thought you’re finally showing signs of missing me. Am I your sub?”_

Dean rolls his eyes and glares at the window. “Enough dirty play! What happened there?” he demanded.

_“Fancy showing yourself up first, squirrel or is the honey moon going so great with your fuck toy, you can’t even bother with the real deal home?”_

Dean glowers on the phone. “Who told you—?”

_“I have eyes, Dean.”_

Dean scrubs his palm on his face. “Who’s Gadreel? What happened to Kevin?!”

_“Ah… now you’re stepping on the landmines. I don’t know, but little dainty prophet got the end of the short stick, that’s all.”_

“Crowley!”

_“Fine. He’s dead, killed by a rouge angel. Need anything else?”_

“Who’s Gadreel?”

 _“Better question: where’s Castiel? Didn’t bother asking your boyfriend during the night inner courses?”_ he can almost feel the demon smirking. Dean grumbles a curse on the phone’s receiver, controlling himself not to throw the thing away when Castiel suddenly drops on his opposite chair frowning.

“Dean? I heard you say Crowley’s name?”

Dean only gives Castiel a glare before looking out the window, phone press on his ears.

“Tell me what happened to Kevin.” He says with gritted teeth.

There’s a short pause. He can hear Crowley smirking on the other side.

_“He didn’t run like I told him to.”_

“Run?” Dean flickers his eyes to Cas still watching him intently to the floor so he can listen to the demon king. “Run from who?”

_“You.”_

Dean’s jaw tightens. Cas suddenly snatches the phone from his hand with a disgruntled look, then hits the speaker button so he can hear. He did. Word for word as Crowley says—

 _“How many times am I gonna have to say this? People in your general vicinity don’t have much in the way of a lifespan, Dean. Come home, you bloody poison.”_ He hangs up.

Dean stiffens and exchanges look with Castiel who looks back at him shaking his head.

“You know that’s not true.”

Dean smiles and it’s worse than anything he’s ever given anyone. “You’re not living my shoes, Cas. How would you know?”

“Dean.” Castiel insists firmly but Dean’s already standing and leaving him on the table.

“You better run as well.” He tells the angel with thinning lips, eyes losing their sparkle. He suddenly lost all the will to eat as he slams the door close back inside their shared room.

Dean paces the room, hands raking his long hair. He bristles at the thought of Crowley’s words, fumes because he still doesn’t know what happened to Sam because Sam won’t answer his call. And worst, he doesn’t even know how to answer to all the lives he answers to because one thing is certain—

_Dean really is the poison._

He grits his teeth, wanting to kick something—someone! Until the sliding door opens and in Castile comes, blue eyes searching for Dean immediately as he enters and closes the door.

“What are you doing here?”

Castiel stares at him hard and longing. A beat passed then-

“I was worried for you.”

Dean grunts and walks towards the reclining chair where he drops himself on and releases a soft growl. He can’t have this, he can’t let this be and Kevin isn’t dead…

“Can’t you do something—talk to someone upstairs about Kevin?” Dean suddenly demanded to the surprise ex-angel. Who was human. Who was hunted. Dean grits his teeth but Castiel is already looking weary out of his own helplessness Dean did not mean to press. But the hunter's own guilt is eating him... And there's only one man here who can received all his wrath, no matter how underserving. 

“Dean, I’m a rebel." Castiel whispers, corner of eyes suddenly redenning, "And the way I am now... Do you really think they would even let me in? Without killing me?”

“Then what good are you?" Dean snaps. 

He thought he saw Cas' lips tremble but he's too preoccupied now, even when at the back of his brain its yelling for him to stop.

Because this isn't Castiel's fault. It was his... 

Cas falls silent, his face turning blank. He walks to the other side of the room with arms crossed.

“Dean, I want to help.”

“What help, Cas? Kevin’s gone! Sam could be dying because some dick angels decided to be some freakin friend! So maybe you can tell me something about your ol pal, Gadreel?”

Castiel’s eyes widen.

“G-Gadreel? But he’s not just an ordinary angel." Castiel says angrily, "Why did you truat him easily?" 

“Says the guy who got randomly picked up on the street—I’m surprised you can trust people easily!” The moment he said it, he regretted it. His throat grows dry.

“That man wasn’t my friend…” he says a little more than a whisper and it fucks Dean how quick he understands it. He glares at Dean now, blue eyes filling, “Maybe if you didn’t push me away, I wouldn’t have to stand there and feel helpless as someone I don’t even know does something I don’t understand! But you know what, Dean?

Castiel storms out towards the door, wrenching it open—but Dean is with a palm slamming it shut with force enough to shatter the walls.

_“Cas...I don't know what to do..."_

“Take a rest, Dean.” Cas says, pushing the door open and slamming it close on Dean’s face. The man heaves a long sigh with a heavy heart.

He kinda deserved that.

It took a few minutes for Dean to realize Cas hasn't returned. And the train was making its roundabout sign of preparing to leave. Heart pounding, Dean stands up frantically. There was a void left behind twisting his inside painfully.... Cas left him... Cas left...

He rushes out of the cart blindly, eyes swimming with tears. He knew he'd fuck it all up... knew it was all going sideways because of him... now Kevin is dead... Sam hates him... and Castiel left him...

[ ](https://verobatto-angelxhunter.tumblr.com/post/616405973390737408/here-we-are-this-is-my-first-work-for-a)

Dean stops walking and stares from left to right. That's not possible... he couldn't have lost them all at once...

"Dean?"

Dean freezes. 

Just like that, just by looking Castiel standing there on the paved pathway... and Dean thinks all his problems are solved. Because Castiel does that. Always the saviour oh his broken heart.


	5. Chapter 5

The Amtrak train stops exactly in the middle of the afternoon when the sun is high up the sky. Dean and Castiel steps from the coach down the platform, eyes taking everything from the people, the station, the breeze of Kansas.

“We’re back.” Dean says, licking his lips, feeling an impending doom. Castiel looks behind him as they walk side by side.

“I’m gonna miss this train.”

“We can always come back, there’s always a chance.” Dean says over his shoulder, taking Castiel’s hands because he’s falling behind. “I mean, especially when Sam kicks me out of the bunker and sign the divorce papers, we can always bunk together again.”

“I don’t mind the arrangement. But I rather you and Sam fix it before I take you away.”

“Take me away now?” Dean suggests, making Castiel turn to him in concern.

“Dean, you’re gonna be fine. Sam will forgive you, okay?”

“How’d you know that?” he demanded but the way his voice falters uncertainly only made Castiel pull him to a soft, chaste kiss, eyes full of trust.

“You’re Dean Winchester. You’re gonna do the right thing. C’mon.” the ex-angel pulls him out of the crowd and Dean lets himself be pulled. His eyes transfixed at the back of his best friend.

Best friend?

No way… at this point…

He tightens his hold on Cas’ hands, his other hand tightly clutching his duffle bag. They zigzagged across the crowd, Castiel seemingly able to find the best spot to slip, being more lithe-bodied and agile. Dean, being bulkier, had to duck a few times to excuse himself, squeezing himself between people but never letting go.

He’d never let go of Cas. Never.

They finally reached the exit leading outside the platform to the noisy street of Kansas. They heard the blasting horns of warning from other trains departing the station with the last call of those who are schedule to board on the paging.

The couple look around the street with crinkling eyes, Castiel looking over at Dean questioningly while the hunter points over the sidewalk where they could hire a cab going to where Dean had entrusted Baby for a couple of days. Cas nods and they both made their way, hands still entwined. Tourists and locals flock the streets with cabs getting hired by the second. He was much disappointed when Cas lets go of his hands to wipe his forehead as they stood side by side. Dean waits for the ex-angel to take his hand again but when Cas didn’t, he stamped away any dismay and focused his eyes

But it’s hard to keep his eyes away from someone so pretty. Dean finds himself staring at Castiel more often than necessary. Sometimes Cas would catch him, sometimes Dean would look away on time. But whether the angel noticed it or not, he didn’t say anything. So, Dean indulged himself while looking around to anyone suspicious.

Because of course going back here in Kansas only means one thing: Cas is in danger.

Dean has been quite alert since they stepped down the Amtrak train. The thought of anything happening to Castiel worries him, the thought of this man standing beside him slipping before his hands pains him more than he cared to admit. He vows never to let anything happen to Cas. Not with him around.

The two waited by the sidewalk quietly for some time. Cas is more impatient than Dean has ever seen him. He would take a step forward, head craning to the other way where he can see the cab with a very solemn, disgruntled look on his face. He returns beside Dean for a minute, then anxiously stand beside the street again, frowning at the absence of the vehicles much to Dean’s amusement.

“Cas, hey, it’s okay, it’s gonna come, okay?” Dean says, arms crossing on his chest while Castiel practically bends his neck to the side, head fully turned to the opposite side of the road. Castiel ignored him and the hunter rolls his eyes. The routine happened thrice till Dean just lets him with a fond look on his face.

“Excuse me?”

Dean turns to see two tourists’ ladies about his height wearing bohemian clothes heading over his direction with their tiny waves of slender hands. Dean blinks and listens as they asked for directions. There were exchange of silly jokes and Dean’s kinda in a refreshing mood and kinda felt happy when they left him with wide smiles.

Kinda feel good making people smile.

“You are very nice people, Dean.” Cas says out of the blue and the hunter is surprised to find the ex-angel already sitting beside him with crossed arms. He ogles at his friend who didn’t look at him once but fixes his eyes on the road opposite him.

“Uh, yeah. Like you just found out?”

“No. I know you are. Makes people drawn to you.

Dean looks at Castiel giving him a narrowed look.

“Cas… Cas, are you jealous?”

Castiel freezes. The ex-angel reaches

“Wanna know a secret, Cas?”

“You have a secret?” the blink he gets from the pare of pearl blue makes Dean blink.

“You sound like you know all my secret?”

Castiel smiles rather meaningfully at him. “Dean, I was your angel. And to be honest you were actually my favorite human so finding everything that pleases you is kind of a past time of mine. The things I saw…” he presses his lips, corners of his eyes crinkling.

Dean looks at him scandalized. “Y- you’re joking—?”

“Oh, the things I know about you would surprise you, I’m sure.” The ex-angel smiles brightly, apparently liking his hold on the shaken hunter who stands up to face him looking horrorstricken.

“B- but I told you space! _Space_ , dude!”

“Dean, I didn’t know your intended meaning for space extends over the non-corporal dimension.”

“The hell’s that mean!?”

“Let’s say… space in the metaphysical doesn’t really exist.”

“Wha—”

“You should have tried to be less candid about your private hours, now that I think of it.” Castiel bows his head this time, a tinge of pink on his cheeks.

Dean sputters a few nonsensical words before standing straight. Cas remains looking down his feet but Dean couldn’t really be angry. Not to Cas, not ever maybe.

Quietly, the hunter reaches over to Cas’ chin and tilts his head up. Their eyes meet and Dean feasts his eyes over his blushing companion. Because that’s what Castiel really is to him now.

“When I’m done fixing things with Sam, you and I are gonna talk about this ‘less candid’ stuff you’ve witness me done.”

Castiel gulps, eyes widening not out of embarrassment.

_Turned on. Cas looks so turned on._

Dean would have lunged forward and kiss the daylight of the rosy lips if not for the sudden vibration of his phone. Their moment broke. Dean lets go of Cas who looks down again, the tips of his ears red. Hissing at the sudden cut of the moment, Dean takes his phone out and growls without looking at the caller.

_“Hello?”_

There’s a familiar exhaling sound. Dean looks at the I.D and freezes.

“Sam?”

_“Yeah, yeah it’s me.”_

“What’s going on? Did something happen? Sam?” Castiel is beside Dean at once. The ex-angel catches his eyes but Dean shakes his head.

_“No, I’m fine, still no thanks to you.”_

Dean grits his teeth. He looks at Cas straight in the eyes who apparently heard it too. Dean nods over the alley few steps to where they stand. Castiel understands and took the duffle bag from Dean’s shoulder. The hunter gratefully touches the ex-angel by the neck before slipping towards the alley with a heavy sigh.

 _“Where are you?”_ Sam demands, _“I keep locating your phone. Found this morning you’ve turned your GPS again. Thought you’re running.”_

“I told you I’m gonna make this right. Running away ain’t cutting it.”

“Good. At least you’re in that head space now.”

“Sam, I was doing it for you.”

_“You were doing it for yourself, Dean.”_

Dean quietly leans his right shoulder on the stinky wall and palms his face.

“We’re on our way back. Cas’ with me.”

 _“So, you’re really with Cas? Does he know about me being possessed by an angel?”_ there’s a mixture of suspicion and bitterness laced in his tone. Dean stares into a space, remembering everything he did that only hurt the two most important people in his life.

“No. He didn’t know a thing.”

Silence met his confession. Then he hears Sam sigh.

“You mean, you lied when you told me Cas decided to leave the Bunker on his own.”

Dean closes his eyes tight. “Yeah.”

_“You lied_

_“And Cas is okay with that? What is he still doing with you, Dean?”_

“Honestly?” Dean’s lips quivered, looking up the red sky of sunset, “I don’t know.”

 _“But he forgave you?”_ there’s a snort on the other line and Dean can just see Sam’s sardonic expression, _“Of course. He’s Cas. That’s how it is. Cause no matter how much you… you hurt him, he just… snap fingers, he’d come back to you. Is that it, Dean? When you’re too guilty over me, you go next to the other person—to your best friend—and go finish your job?”_

“That’s not—”

_“Did you tell Cas to leave?”_

Dean didn’t answer. Sam swore on the other line. _“Something’s wrong with you, Dean. Dammit… you… Cas shouldn’t even forgive you.”_

“Maybe you gotta tell him that yourself.” Dean says, world toppling down from the top. The idea of Cas staring at him with resentment, with contempt the same way Sam would be now if they were talking together face to face hurts him more than any cuts of knife or any blade. If Cas chose to leave him after everything, after all of this, when Dean was only being selfish, he doesn’t know where he might end up, really.

 _“You don’t deserve him, Dean.”_ Sam says as honest as Dean knows him.

“I know.” Fuck if he doesn’t. Dean nods slowly, jaw tight. “I know. But you know I’d do it again. I’d saved you. If I was saving Cas and this is the only way, I’d save him too even he gets angry with me, I will. Both of you are important, Sam—”

_“Dean, this isn’t how you protect the people you love—”_

“It’s the only way I know how!” Dean growls and he knows his voice must’ve surprised some people somewhere because he hears shuffle of feet somewhere, was its Cas? But fuck— he can’t let anyone see how a mess he is right now. Not with the stream of tears on his eyes— he can’t—

“Sam, you’ve no idea how I tried—” he chokes, “I do it because—”

It’s instinct that told him to look behind him but it’s too late. A painful blow on the head sent the hunter down the cement floor, his phone flying off his hand with a clatter.

Mind whizzing in pain, groaning, the last thing he sees is a figure of boots walking near him... and darkness swallows him into oblivion with one name on his lips.

_Cas…_

* * *

The next thing Dean knows upon opening his eyes is the doubling of his vision. All he sees is darkness. Quick to assess, he remembers the last thing he was doing was talking to Sam before he was attacked from behind.

Fuck, he was had.

He feels for his body stuck on a chair. He groans at the tight binding around his wrists, his arms behind him. He can taste blood on his gagged lips. _Shit, shit…_

But just as the curse is leaving his thoughts, he shakes his head blinking. Where’s Cas? He shoots a look up and finds himself inside a dark place he can’t even begin to see his own outline. Where is this…?

Dean’s wit returns in a matter of seconds, his instincts as a hunter kicking in. He had no time to play the victim, he had to find out who got him, what they want and if it’s who he thinks they need, Dean Winchester is going to make someone’s life a living hell.

He bits on his gag, flexing his jaw so the clothing would stretch. He growls at the amount of time and pain, but is successful to get it between his teeth. He tries to move his shoulders, but his arms are tightly bound on his chair. He next attempts to move his heels, but they too are craftily bound on each side. Whoever did this to him knows his reputation. Mad and on edge, the hunter moves his whole body to try and topple the chair. He is successful— the chair isn’t exactly permanent on the floor.

And the floor—Dean notices—creaks sharply to the drag of the chair. Metal. Dean’s eyes widen. He’s in a metal container! Which could explain the darkness and coldness he could feel. He tries to work on the chair, to topple himself on the side intentionally, preparing if his head would hit any metal walls. Metallic containers are kept in abandoned shelters or rent spaces and whoever has him brought him here for isolation.

But what of Cas?

Thinking of his boyfriend gives Dean enough will to move the chair on both sides until he crashes with a bang on the metallic floor. Groaning in pain, he tries to kick his attached legs on the chair to pull the chair down so he can slide his arms off the back of the chair when sounds of metal grinding on metal rings in the air.

Dean freezes and the thumping sounds followed by a loud creaking—then shed of light—a door opens with someone

Dean struggles to see who it is, closing his eyes painfully at the flash light. Someone steps in the container and walks towards him with the light pointing on his face. Poor Dean can only see the silhouette of his abductor before he gets a kick straight in the stomach—a kick so powerful he gets sent across the room, his chair banging on the

“Heaven fell for a piece of crap like you?” says a woman’s strong, edgy voice.

Dean couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even uncurl himself from the position he found himself in. The pain is real, it gets his eyes stinging, his insides to burn from the spot where the end of her boots hit him.

Steps came closer. Dean braces himself from another assault.

"That’s right. Wake up. You’re no good to me at all, but if you’re the only thing that can bring me Castiel, I’d rather he sees you die painfully with his own eyes. Make me see repentance on his face. Something he didn’t even play out well while he destroys even. And now he mates with you? So, this has been his plan all along. To be a human, to be with you.” The voice sounded grim, but self-control was dominant. She kicks him on the chest this time, making Dean grinds his teeth but giving no satisfaction of any cry.

He musters the air in his lungs, takes in the pain. _You can do this._

He’s gruffly pulled by the neck, the roughness must leave some mark until he positions right on the chair again, sitting up with wave of dizziness hitting him again. Ain’t good for the head, that’s for sure.

The flash light is pointed on his face, “You are not as sturdy as they say you are.” The comment comes off more curious than Dean expects. He ignores her and focus on gulping and breathing. Damn, it pains when he breathes. Rib. He got a broken rib.

The gag gets pulled from his mouth with a painful jerk. Dean coughs hard and bows to his chest but his head gets pulled back up, her nails digging on the scalp of his hair.

“Wake up, Winchester. I can kill you right now if I want, but I want to do that in front of the traitor of heaven so don’t die yet. Your life only has one purpose now, you monkey. You better prepare a last wish if you have one. What do you say about that?”

Dean opens his bright eyes and grins. “You’re a bitch.”

He hears the sound of angel blade slipping out of fabric, and then there’s something sharp pointing over his neck. Typical angel moves. Dean breaths hard.

“What’re you waiting for?” he taunts, glaring to where he can see the angel, “Kill me!” his scalp gets pulled harder, his throat getting exposed and the trickle of cold blood from his nose runs to his cheeks.

“You weren’t listening. I want Castiel here to witness your death. He’s no longer an angel and once you’re dead, who knows? He might kill himself. That’s killing two birds with one stone.”

Dean’s heart thunders. No… No… Cas…

_Don’t come!_

“Where’s Cas?”

“Playing the wolf searching for his lamb.” 

"So, this is about some petty revenge?" he says drily, "Heaven falls and now all its angel can’t do that right-cheek-slap-ass thing, huh?”

A blow of his fist rattles Dean, making him cry in pain as blood slips from the corner his lips. His resistance only gets more beating—only stopping to pull Dean’s blood head back, making sure he’s still breathing.

“Still going to insists, Winchester? Don’t worry. After your death, I can assure you, Castiel will follow you whether his choice or I get him first.”

Dean didn't answer but he knows he gotta kill this bitch.

There is too much anger inside him that wanted out. They were still in the same metal container with nothing save shadow and darkness. He was bounded on the chair; his body is beaten and all he could think of is—

_“Dean!”_

Dean snaps his head to the door as the metal doors open, leaving him to see the sun setting over the numerous containers, shedding light to the entire space, but only leaving Dean staring at the angel.

“C-Cas!”

Castiel’s eyes fall on the angel behind Dean who’s pulled his head back and points the end of her angel blade on the man’s throat. Dean can feel the sharp point slowly dig deep down his skin, feels the trickle of blood run down his neck. He tries not to gulp too much because every move only sinks the blade on his skin.

He can’t see Cas but he hears him.

"Leave him alone." Castiel's voice is icy. “I’m warning you.”

“Or what, Castiel? Kill me too?”

“You do not want to end the same with Norman, Vanna.” Comes his warning.

“Where is he?”

“Make a guess.” The ex-angel drawls on and the tip of the hair all over Dean’s body stands in goosebumps. Castiel, not so angel of the lord now, still sounds really hot.

“Oh? You killed him? In your weak vessel? Don’t fool me!” taunts the angel called Vanna and Dean applauds her guts to be standing before Castiel who sounded livid. Except he’s human now. Has Cas forgotten that?

“Cas…” Dean hisses, blinking back the tears at the pain stringing all over his body.

Attention of the angel holding him captive suddenly shifts in his direction. Dean hears Castiel hiss and probably even curse in Enochian because the angel behind him is also speaking in the same language—

The tension rises.

“Don’t come any closer!” she shouts, changing the angle of the blade and pointing it under Dean’s chin. Dean shut his eyes in pain somewhat nauseous as the pain all over his head that rack his brain. He guessed a minor concussion and had to grit his teeth at being so vulnerable and being useless to Cas. He breaths in guilt heavily and opens his eyes to the dark ceiling. He doesn’t know what to do anymore, but he sure has one goal in mind right now.

_Keep Cas alive._

“See Castiel? He’s become submissive now.”

Dean’s head gets pushed till his chin touches his chest. All the blood on his head rushes back in, making the hunter woozy with the blade still digging on the side of his neck.

“W-what have you done to him…” Cas’ voice barely registers. Something about the way his voice breaks alarms Dean. He wants to see Cas, but the pull on his hair is making it difficult. Still, he wants to—he gets tugged back.

“He’s been fighting me with his rock-head brain and look what’s happened to his pretty face?” But Dean wants to tell Cas he’s okay. Kinda difficult with one eye swollen, but he manages. Biting his lower lip, he spits on the angel’s shoes and smirks.

“Dean!” Castiel sounds too afraid— but the angel nods and hacks the butt of the angel blade on Dean’s cheek— spilling blood on his collar— Castiel’s demeanor changed.

“You _bitch…”_

 _Don’t come near!_ Dean begs, but Castiel showed no sign of slowing down, eyes fixed on the blade. Looking up with strain, he saw no trace of fear in all of Castiel's features, his typical ironic expression of devil-may-care attitude—

And Dean realized the gravity of the situation for the angel behind him.

Vanna shouts in Enochian, raises her blade in the last second and from there, Dean sees his life flash before his eyes—and above all the pain are the memories of the people he knows, people he saves, the people he doesn’t want to leave, the people he loves—

The blade didn’t strike.

Dean stares as Castiel. Everything comes back to Dean in a jolt as he stares at Castiel standing in front of him with a curt frown on his forehead, blue eyes glowing as he stares deep in the eyes of his sibling—now turned into something else in Castiel’s eyes—

Castiel’s eyes that are glowing—

_Is Cas an angel again…?!_

“I said don’t.hurt.him.” he growls the syllable with powerful vibrato and then tosses Vanna across the container in one fluid moment, her back hitting the ceiling with a banging sound before she hits the floor that rattled the container.

Dean hold his breath, staring at the unmoving figure with the last piece of sunlight sinking in as Cas pulls on his bindings and pulls him sharply by the shoulder, trying to heal him already.

“Cas, you- you got your grace back?” he asks, tasting no blood and feeling no pain left behind. He stares at the soft angel on his arms and frowns. “Cas?”

“Wasn’t mine.” Castiel whispers, leaning on Dean’s for support as they both kneel on the metal floor. Dean’s throat dries.

“Cas—are you hurt anywhere?!” he pulls up and cups the angel’s face, sees Cas’ eyes closed but there’s a hint of small smile on his face.

“No. M’fine.”

“Idiot! You don’t look fine! Why are you so weak all of a sudden! You got your mojo back!”

“Not mine…” Cas coughs and Dean hisses and tries to catch the blue eyes.

“Cas, don’t make me regret not fucking you right this morning!” he cries, whole body trembling while the ex- angel’s body sags and Dean’s heart tumbles as he looks around for anything to do. Instead, he sits on the floor, cradling the angel worriedly and caressing his cheeks gently. “Cas?”

“It’s okay, Dean… I just need rest.” Castiel whispers after a moment, eyes closed, protectively wrapped around Dean.

“What d’you mean not your grace?”

“Stole it.” Castiel opens his eyes, finds Dean staring at him and time stops. Dean waits for Castiel to blink or make any movement to show that he’s still conscious, till those plush lips open in a sigh. “I’m glad you’re safe… I missed you.”

Dean snorts and sniffs at the same time. He pulls Castiel tight to his chest without speaking and cries silently on the ex-angel’s neck.

 _“I love you.”_ he murmurs with all his heart. With all his being. With his all. There’s no one else he could love like this, like the whole universe is tearing a whole in his being just seeing him hurt. Is that how Castiel

He feels Castiel’s body tenses and Dean would have repeated the word except he sees a movement in front of him. Dean’s hold on Cas tightens because he knows what it is, he has to do the moment he sees Vanna raise her angel blade, ready to plunge over the ex-angel with all intent to kill.

Like hell Dean will let that.

A gunshot follows the strike. Dean stares at Castiel whom he pushed down the floor seconds ago, the hunter’s hands on his shoulder, stretched out so there’s a visible space between them. Cas tiredly looks up at him, uncertain of what just happened but with the sound of gun and shrieks from somewhere, he’s blinking and talking in exhaustion.

“Dean…? What…?”

Dean smiles but on the seams of his lips lines the blood. The blue eyes round. Sam’s voice fills the container for its him who pulled the gun on Vanna and in now standing at the threshold, staring at them with wide eyes.

Dean reaches for Cas cheeks thinking how he’d miss him terribly. He will miss him but at least…

_He’s safe._

_“DEAN!”_

Dean falls on Castiel’s arm who catches him, staring at the opposite wall. Then the ex-angel feels something sharp over his own chest, just pressing but not really hurting him. That’s when Castiel runs his hand behind Dean and feels the angel blade sticking behind his back—protruding on the other side while he protected his only angel.

_His only beloved angel._

Silence fell at the thrill of facing death his nerves and senses and he realizes… he’s dying.

“Dean?”

Silence.

_A beat._

Just a heartbeat.

....

...... 

_“PLEASE! Please, Dean! Help… Please!”_

He’s never heard so much anguish from the deep rumbling voice that won’t stop calling his name even in the eternal darkness. Fuck, he thought it’d be peaceful when he’s gone.

Dean grunts and has to open his eyes.

He finds himself staring at Castiel’s ocean blues. Why, where did he go? Things are too vague to remember and there are many questions in his mind right now but he knows he is safe. He is, he recognizes the sound of Baby’s rumbling engine, Sam’s voice calling him from the driver’s seat while Castiel cradles his head on his lap, just watching him in the darkness of the world outside, eyes shining like this is better than any sunrise he’d seen in his long life.

_“Hello, Dean.”_

* * *

“I am not happy with what you did, but I guess…” Sam says with a little melancholic look on his face as he stares at his brother who sits on the chair in the middle of the library table with Castiel perched by his side.

They’ve just gotten back in the bunker with Dean getting dragged around because Castiel insists on helping him walk down the stairs. It’s a little strange to be back in their rightful position, of Cas being the stronger one and Dean… well, just the messed-up guy that he is.

Dean shakes his head at his swirling vision when he tries to look at his brother.

“It’s fine, don’t just go forgiving me if it’s just to sympathize with the pain, I can handle this.” He tries to get up but a heavy hand presses him back. The next thing he knows, Cas is leaning on him with a very grumpy look on his face.

“You’re not getting up.”

Dean grunts, but his body thanks the angel because he doesn’t think he could make it anywhere near the kitchen even when he’s dead hungry. He licks his lips at the thought of food.

“Might as well tell me not to get up ever, Cas.”

“I’ll get you water.” Castiel says, and Dean’s sure Castiel is studying his lips.

“Let me get it.” Sam offers, turning on his heels and disappearing with heavy feet on the floor, leaving the quiet in each other’s company.

That’s when Dean’s hand finds Cas and he pulls him down, essentially getting crushed under the clumsy weight. Cas is able to put one hand at the back of the chair and grimaces at the injured hunter.

“Dean! You’re hurt already—”

“This isn’t your fault, okay?” Dean says so clearly and quietly the silence that follows it is a little deafening. Castiel blinks at the hunter, stares at him so deeply before his expression breaks and he is hugging Dean tightly.

“I thought I lost you…” he whispers with a broken voice and Dean takes his weight into his and sighs on the angel’s neckline. “Dean… you scared me…”

“I know… I’m sorry….but it’s not your fault.”

“But they were after me—”

“I am the hunter. I should’ve been more careful.” Dean insists grimly, letting Cas up a little so they are looking in each other’s eyes. Castiel looks so warm and good perched on his chest like that. But he wants to wipe the concern etched on such a handsome face.

“You can’t always protect yourself.” Cas whispers, nuzzling his nose on Dean’s jaw. The hunter cups his cheeks.

“No reason to defend me. It was all my bad. I got us in this situation in the first place. If I didn’t kick you off the Bunker—”

“I thought we’ve talked about this, Dean? You couldn’t have done anything else, Sam was in danger—”

“So were you—”

“Sam’s more important—”

Dean sits up, nearly knocking the angel’s nose who slips down his lap. The hunter wraps both hands at the lower back of the angel and looks him straight in the eyes.

“Cas… you’re also important. I… I should’ve told you the truth. I could have told you the truth but I didn’t… so everything that happened since that day, everything… all of it is my fault. Okay? My injuries, my mistakes, your pain… are all on me and I’ll never forget… so that next time, I can take care of you properly. I will take care of you while you’re a human, Cas.”

“I’ll be a human till the day I die.” Castiel whispers, bowing his head but Dean lifts his chin up with the tip of his fingers. He doesn’t let go.

“I don’t believe that. Let’s not believe that. I have faith that you will become an angel again. So until that time… _you’re mine.”_ He kisses Castiel ardently to which the angel is only too happy to comply.

“I’ve always been yours, Dean, even before the time we touched, I’ve always been yours.” Cas whispers, kissing the hunter back and the two makes out hotly on the chair when Sam’s groan breaks the sound in the air.

“You guys are—is this gonna be a problem in the future!?”

Dean looks Sam in the eyes who rolls his eyes and left, but not before putting Dean’s water at the far end of the table with capsules of medicine. Castiel stares at it too while Dean watches his brother’s retreating form. He feels the angel squirm on his lap and smiles.

“You wanna do that, really?”

“No, I wanted to get your medicine,”

“Oh.” Dean looks so crestfallen, Castiel couldn’t help kissing him again. Dean smiles on the kiss and sighs when the ex-angel pulls away again. “I wished we could stay like this forever.”

“No.” Cas whispers, frowning. He traces his fingers on the hunter’s injured face, Dean hissing a little but not pulling away. Castiel looks back at him sadly.

“I wished… I wished I could heal you like before…”

Dean blinks at him, then touches Cas’ cheeks gently too, his eyes solemn. He pulls his Cas to him, kissing him gently. Unhurried, just... with meaning, with love.

[ ](https://verobatto-angelxhunter.tumblr.com/post/616405973390737408/here-we-are-this-is-my-first-work-for-a)

“And I wished with all my heart, I don’t be the reason for making you sad ever again. Or I’ll hate myself even more.”

“Dean—”

“It’s the truth, man. The way you’re always sad, it’s always gonna go back on me.”

“It’s not about you, Dean. It’s me being too weak to lift your injuries. I feel so… useless, helpless…”

“But you’re not.” Dean insists, running his hands at the ex-angel’s back and leaning their temples together. “You’re not, Cas, dammit, you’re the reason I’m alive today. You’re the only reason… you… if I see you hurt, dammit, Cas, I’ll kill…”

“I don’t want you hurt.” Cas murmurs, sincerely.

“I don’t want that for you either, and this, Cas? It’s the smallest thing I can do to protect you. I wasn’t able to protect you once, but I promise you… I promise you, this time I’ll do better. Because you know it… you’re… I…”

“I love you, Dean.”

Sam shouts from the kitchen—

“I’m making the food here, no one complains for a whole week!”

Dean turns to the angel with a horrified look. Castiel blinks, then wraps his arms around the hunter and kisses him lovingly.

_All is good in the world._


End file.
